The Zombieslayer

When I’m an old man, I’m going to have a fat tobacco pipe and blow smoke rings like Gandalf.

When I’m an old man, I’ll go to a restaurant wearing shorts and knee high black socks.

When I’m an old man, no matter how good the service is, I’ll find something to complain about.

When I’m an old man, I’m going to sexually harass hot young waitresses, but get away with it because I’m an old man and they’ll just laugh because they’ll know they’ll get a good tip.

When I’m an old man, I’ll complain about how today’s music is just a bunch of noise. Then I’ll proceed to put on my Judas Priest and Cradle of Filth.

When I’m an old man, I’ll complain how today’s generation is lazy and ungrateful, then vote for a raise to Social Security.

When I’m an old man, I’ll still go to porn conventions and see strippers.

When I’m an old man, I’ll drop in on the board meetings and make sure the guys running my companies aren’t retards.

When I’m an old man, I’ll steal girlfriends from young studs. When they complain, I’ll kick their asses.

When I’m an old man, I’ll have hot topless young woman at my swimming pool like Hugh Hefner.

When I’m an old man and some other old man is complaining about his aches and pains, I’ll just tell him “you’re just upset that you’re still fucking the same old lady for the past fifty years.” Then a hot chick with big fake boobs and a poodle will come and pick me up from the bus stop and I’ll turn to the old man, wink, and whisper “she doesn’t realize she signed a pre-nup.”

When I’m an old man, I’ll still tell all the jokes that everyone else is afraid to tell.