The Zombieslayer

All right brothas, let me share some tips with you on pimpin’. In a recent survey, yours truly was ranked 18th in the world on men who understand women.

Now, you might be thinking that 18th isn’t very impressive. Let’s put this in perspective. That’s out of three billion males, and of the seventeen ahead of me, one was Hugh Hefner, one was Wilt Chamberlin, one was Tom Lykis, one was Prince, and the others were people who didn’t want to be named for one reason or another. So it would be in your best interest to heed my wordage, yo? And yes, I beat out Snoop. He gets girls because of his fame and money. You don’t seriously think it’s for his looks, do you?

This is tip #1 in a series of tips on pimpin’. This one requires patience, something that many of you do not have. Fear not though, because you could be working several leads on the side without disclosing.

This only works with really hot women. See, hot women are used to getting what they want. They never have to buy drinks. They never have to do their own homework. They know not the meaning of hard work. They also have yet to meet their match. Their match - will be you.

Get to know her. Become friends with her, but make it clear you’re not interested in “that” way. Make her interested in you, but once again, I emphasize make it clear you’re not interested in her “that” way.

However, you’re interested in her friend. Yeah, she’s a real cutie and it would be great if she could set the two of you up. This is the tricky part. Women, especially hot women, hate competition. They especially hate it when it’s their friend. Do not pick their plain friend, but pick one that is almost as hot as she is. Take out that friend on a date, to your place, with candlelight, a nice bottle of wine, and a dinner you prepared. If you need to learn how to cook like a Pimp, that’s my other course and it’s only $199.00 plus shipping and handling, but let’s not change the subject.

When the date is over, you absolutely must kiss her, but not go any further. Immediately call your “friend” and tell her all about it. It will boggle her mind why you picked her friend over her and she’ll melt in your hand like butter.