The Zombieslayer

I’m so sick of the whole gun debate that I don’t even want to get into it. It’s like abortion in the 90s or the Vietnam War in the 70s. Everyone just gets hysterical and nothing good comes from it.

That said, Mrs. Z and I went on a date last night and saw Grindhouse, an exploitation double feature from Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino. We both loved it.

Before I begin, let me just say that the movie (movies, actually) should have been rated X. The level of violence was on par to the exploitation films of the 70s. However, as someone who gets to see movies for free, and as someone who’s currently doing exploitation films, this one was a treat.

Planet Terror

The first movie was Planet Terror, written and directed by Robert Rodriguez. I was hoping Rodriguez hasn’t lost it, because Once Upon a Time in Mexico was horrible, and he really hasn’t done anything outstanding since From Dusk ‘Til Dawn. Yes, Sin City was good, but vastly overrated.

Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan) is a go-go dancer who loses a leg when a gas used as a military weapon is released in a rural Texas town. The gas turns people into zombies and her ex-boyfriend El Wray (Freddie Rodriguez) saves her life. Dr. William Block is the evil doctor who treats these people being turned into zombies, and Dr. Dakota Block is his wife that he treats like crap.

There are half a dozen other characters, and I’m not going to list them off, but I will tell you that Rodriguez does an excellent job developing them. After seeing the movie, Mrs. Z and I discussed which characters we liked best. I liked the cook, and of course Cherry Darling.

The action was over the top and unbelievable, but it’s all good. The zombies didn’t really follow zombie guidelines. Sometimes they attacked, sometimes they retreated, sometimes they just stood around and got shot. I don’t think Rodriguez cared about zombie rules; he was more concerned with keeping the viewers on the edge of their seats.

Rodriguez also did a large chunk of the soundtrack. Usually, Jack of All Trades are Masters of none, but Rodriguez is the exception. His directing, writing, musicianship, and even editing are top notch. The dialog is good, not as good as Tarantino’s, but still good. Rodriguez works more with darkness than Tarantino, but his lighting is spectacular. As Tarantino’s stunts are simplistic, Rodriguez goes overboard and full-on cheese.

This movie relied more on action and gore, and did a fine job at it. Rodriguez still has it, and he has redeemed himself for his last sleepers. Not as good as From Dusk ‘Til Dawn, but still a solid movie, and for an exploitation film, it’s top notch. 8 dead zombies

Death Proof

You get two movies for the price of one ticket. It doesn’t get better than that. One warning, go to the bathroom first and don’t drink anything, or else you’ll have to go pee during Death Proof.

This baby is Tarantino’s turn to entertain you. It has a much smaller death count, and a completely different plot. Here, you have Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell), a scarred misogynist, who, kills women with his death proof stunt car.

Tarantino does what he does best in this one. Although the dialog is not as good as Pulp Fiction, this is definitely his best work since then.

After killing off his first female victims, you get to a slow middle part that a lot of viewers criticize. I actually loved it. He developed four women, two actresses, and their stunt doubles.

Of the actresses, you had the dumb one and the hopeless idealist/romantic. I personally liked the stunt doubles better, because I’ve always had a preference for sporty gals. That’s just me though.

Of the stunt doubles, one was a tough gun-totin’ Kim (Tracie Thoms), and the other was the quirky New Zealander Zoe Bell who played herself. I swear Kim is the female version of yours truly, a hardened realist with a sense of humor, plus good-looking too.

This time around, Stuntman Mike stalks these four women. I won’t give much away, but one scene has you on the edge of your seat.

9 dead zombies for this one. Tarantino hasn’t been this good since Pulp Fiction.

Bonus - Included with the double features are some uncensored trailers for exploitation films that don’t exist. Several of them, I’d love to see made into real movies.

The casting in both movies is perfect. The casting in the trailers is excellent as well, and seeing Nicholas Cage as Fu Manchu in Werewolf Women of the SS got both me and Mrs. Z to bust up laughing. Danny Trejo looked so cool in Machete too. Both Don’t and Thanksgiving were hilarious.

Warning - these movies are exploitation films. The violence alone should get these movies an X Rating, but you know how American censors are - violence good, nudity bad. Not everyone will enjoy them, especially if you’re not a fan of these types of movies.

I’m not going to preach about gun rights.  Now’s not the time.  My deepest condolences go out to the families of the victims of the Virginia Tech massacre.  Today, we fly the flag at half-mast in mourning.

Last year, Mrs. Z, me, and some friends decided to take a vacation in Australia.  Today, we all reconsidered.  John Howard and the rest of those scumbag commies won’t get a penny of my money.  Instead, it’s going to Turkey.

My friend and her hubby just got back from a sick vacation in Turkey.  They had a blast.  The way she described it, it seemed like paradise.  Sunny days.  Topless beaches on the Mediterranean.  Partying all night at the disco.  Cheap food and drinks.  Fun people.  And they like Americans.

John Howard, the Prime Minister of Australia, used this tragedy to decry American civil liberties.  Shitheads like that get a boner when tragedies like this happen.  They love it.  They live for it.  They’re sick people, worse than ambulance chasing lawyers.

So once again, my deepest condolences go out to the friends and families of the victims of the Virginia Tech massacre.

Australia, you just lost some big spending tourists.  Turkey, you just gained some.

It’s now officially day 5 since doing local honey for my allergies.  I simply put about a teaspoon of it in my tea or coffee every morning and stir it up.

I don’t know what it was this year, but my allergies haven’t been this bad in two decades.  I’ve been coughing and sneezing and driving my co-workers nuts.  Before doing the honey, I used half a box of tissue in only one day.

So I went on anti-histimines.  They work, but the side effect is everything tastes like English food.  I could go on prescription drugs, but you’ve seen the commercials and their side effects.  I’ve done local honey before and it’s worked, so I’m back to it.

Now on day 5, I still have to use a tissue about once every few hours.  Within a few weeks, your body will be completely immune to the allergies if it works for you, as it has for me in the past.  I picked up a bottle of honey from Whole Foods and they have ones specifically marked by the county they’re from.  It was $9.99, but considering what drugs cost, that’s not too bad.

So is it a placebo? Well, placebos never work on me.  Unless of course they’re the sugar kind.  No, just joking.  The honey is working so far and considering the side effects of honey are you should really brush your teeth afterwards, compared to what they are for those drugs with the fancy names and stupid commercials about some dumb guy running in slow motion through the fields.  So if  you have allergies, give it a shot.  It sure beats possibly having headaches, constipation, diarrhea, insomnia, stuffy nose, upset stomach, vomiting, yeast infections, thresh, depression, mood swings, anxiety, and anal leakage.

I’ve been tagged by Tweety. The post is here.

Five bloggers who make me think? Well, there are twenty or more, but I’ll narrow it down to five that immediately come to mind.

Neal makes me think. While he and I have a lot of similar beliefs, he goes in much more detail and spouts off many more facts. If I ever wrote a history book, I’d hire him as a fact checker.

Laura and I disagree on a lot of issues. However, I have utmost respect for her, because she gives her beliefs a lot of thought. Two intelligent people can look at the same facts and come to different conclusions, because we are all different, and that’s what makes this world interesting. If everyone thought like I did, the world would be boring. Plus, Laura’s caught me being a hypocrite on at least one occasion and called me on it.

Yonderincarp makes me think. In some ways, I’m envious. He’s a decade younger than I and he’ll slaughter me in Jeopardy. He’s also a nice guy, having had lunch and dinner with him before.

I know what my weaknesses are when it comes to being worldly. My huge, glaring weakness is the Middle-East. Thankfully, I have Exmi to consult. The guy really knows his stuff, and if I ever make it to Congress, we’ll definitely be on a first name basis. And yes, I will pay consulting fees, because he’s worth it.

And lastly, Lime knows the Caribbean. Having taken a cruise there, I’m in love with the Caribbean. When our finances change, I’m going to do a lot more exploring of those gorgeous islands. What’s really cool is Lime not only knows the region, she’s lived there and knows the culture, and also writes very well.

Here are the rules for those I tagged.
1. Write a post naming 5 bloggers that make you think.
2. Refer back to this post so the previous taggers can read what you wrote.
3. put the thinking blog icon on your post.. optional…

I don’t have the thinking blog icon, and am too lazy to look for it. If you’ve done this tag before, then point to it. You of course don’t have to respond to the tag, but if you want to, let me know you did because I’m curious, and when I get some time, I’ll check them out too.

This is an old one that I decided to bring back.  It’s still relevant, and even more so after having a good time in San Francisco the past few nights with Mrs. Z and my friend from Egypt, who let’s hope will become an American soon.  He’s an example of a good foreigner.  Here ’tis, good foreigners vs bad foreigners:

Welcome to America. Feel free to drive around and explore the most beautiful nation on Earth. True, I haven’t been to every country yet, but I know enough to know that America has so much land diversity that we blow away everywhere else. We still have open space, and our climate is not too extreme. Sure Siberia (in Russia) has lots more open space, just don’t get stuck there during winter time. Just as important, we have more freedom than just about anywhere else. Did you know in Britain, remaining silent is an admission of guilt? Pretty scary, huh? Also, you can’t own guns. How do they expect you to defend yourself against zombies? I’d never rely on the government to do anything, except deliver mail. They’re pretty good at that. But to defend you against zombies, dream on.

As for the bad foreigners, when the zombies come, don’t expect me to let you in to my anti-zombie compound. Instead, I’ll lock up and laugh as they maul you and take you away. I’ll probably even videotape it.