The Zombieslayer

Dating in 1957
It’s the summer of 1957 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Harold’s a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo.

When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue’s mother answers and invites him in. “Peggy Sue’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” she says.

That’s cool. Peggy Sue’s mother asks Harold what they’re planning to do.
Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.

Peggy Sue’s mother responds, “Why don’t you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says “Wha…aat?
“Yeah,” says Peggy Sue’s mother, “We know Peggy Sue really likes to screw; why, she’d screw all night if we let her!”

Harold’s eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue omes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes, and announcesthat she’s ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the front door while Mom is saying, “Have a good evening kids,” with a small wink for Harold.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother:

“Dammit, Mom! The Twist! The Twist! It’s called The Twist!”

This is a post for Football fans. If you don’t know by now, I’m a big time Green Bay Packers fan. The Packers recently had a questionable off-season, and the Packer boards were full of anger and hate. So I had to write something more cheerful. Even if you don’t follow football, you might still be able to appreciate the humor.

Folks,
Good news. I won’t get your hopes up and tell you that we’ll go far in the Playoffs this year, but we will win the division in ‘07.

The Bears are da Bears. Come on, the only use the Bears have is for Saturday Night Live comedy skits. With Lance Briggs as good as gone, they’re done. Lovie Smith scored a 6 on the Wonderlic test, and proof of that is he hasn’t taken Rex Grossman ice fishing and had a little “accident.” My Grandma hasn’t had a snap in the NFL since the late 40s, and she can still throw better than Rex Grossman.

Some of you hate the Vikings. I could never hate the Vikings. Sure, the Vikings beat us once in the playoffs, but they were putting us out of our misery. Believe me, that year, the next team to play us would have humiliated us something terrible, much, much worse than showing up to work and realizing you’re completely nekkid.

On paper, the Vikings look good. But that’s what everyone says EVERY year. Folks, games aren’t played on paper. They’re played on something called “a football field.” On the football field, on any given Sunday, anything can happen. But as long as any of us shall live, one thing is certain. Whenever something is important, the Vikings will CHOKE. It’s part of their genetic make-up.

When the zombie plague starts, Viking fans will just let the zombies come for them and not even bother to fight back. Their reality is just that hard. You won’t understand, because you’re a Packer fan. The good folks with gray pubic hair and Social Security on this board watched the Packers earn 3 Lombardi Trophies. The Vikings have zero, even though they’ve also had four tries to get at least one.

And of course the Lions will always be the Lions. NO MATTER HOW BAD we are in a year, we can always count on two wins from the Lions. I love the Lions. I regularly give hugs to people in Lions jerseys. They understand and cry in my arms. They need the love, because they don’t get it from Matt Millen, nor did they ever get it from anyone before Matt Millen. I hug Barry Sanders regularly, and he appreciates it. He never got any love either. Poor guy. He was devastated when we passed him up for Tony, well, I won’t say his last name because I don’t want to get anyone here upset.

So relax, fellow Packer aficionados. We won’t go much past 9-7 this year, but at least we’ll be back on top in the NFC North where we belong. And don’t be so mean to Vikings and Lions fans. I hate seeing grown men cry.

1. What is the stupidest mistake you have ever made with money?
My gosh. I made so many mistakes with money it’s not even funny. I’d have to say my absolute biggest was having all my money in tech stocks. I lost $43,000 in stock in ONE DAY once.

2. Do you think taxes are unfair or do you think it’s your civic duty?
I never cheat taxes. It’s not only our civic duty, but this country has done more for me than I’ve done for it.

3. Do you take risks and possibly turn your life upside down for new opportunity?
I used to be a huge “gambler.” Not in the card/slots sense, but with investments. I didn’t do the research and just went ahead and did it. Now, I’m more patient.

4. Are you the alpha in your household? (Include pets)
Yes. I am the benevolent dictator in the household. However, the prime benefactor is our son. We’re making some serious sacrifices to make sure he goes to one of the best schools in California.

5. Do you compromise with your significant other or does someone always get their way?

I think Mrs. Z got mad when she saw this question.

6. What curse word do you use most often?
I take the Lord’s name in vain too much and I need to stop it.

7. Do you easily change your mind or are you dead set on most issues?
I’m in the middle. I’m firm on some things, and can bend on others.

8. What famous person would you like to trade places with for one week?
Ten years ago, I would have said Brett Favre. But now I wouldn’t trade my life for his. His father recently passed on, his brother-in-law died in an ATV accident, and his wife is currently recovering from breast cancer. Yikes!

9. If you could go back in time and tell one person off, who would it be and what would you say?
Funny, the few people I wanted to tell off I now feel pity for. They’re all in crappy positions and I have a wonderful life.

10. Were you a good student or did you do just enough to get by?
I almost flunked out of high school twice. Then in college, I grew up and got mostly As and Bs. I ended up on the Dean’s List 50% of the semesters I spent in my four years of Undergrad and two years of Grad school.

11. If you could give one piece of advice to someone just starting out on their own, what would you tell them?
Enjoy life, and do what you want to do. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t do something. In fact, don’t even associate with those losers.

12. Are people basically good and honest or are most people opportunistic and predatory?
I love people. I think 99.9% of people are wonderful. I’ve been helped out by strangers on so many occasions I can’t even count. In my whole life, I’ve only truly disliked four people (not including drug addicts).

13. Is there somebody you wish you could go back and apologize to?
Heh. Every girlfriend (except for one) I had before I bought my first rifle, which is when I grew up.

I’ll tag Kate, JJ, and Badman, my 3 domain blogging buddies, even though none of them like my politics.

Since I did cuisines earlier, I decided to do something else close to heart - Disney films.  The owner of the p.c. site doesn’t want Disney reviews, as he hates “kiddie” movies.  So I’m doing it on my blog instead.

I won’t be doing the live action movies because I personally thought most of them weren’t that good.  But I love Disney animation.

Agree, disagree, it’s all good.

Snow White - Kind of dated looking seeing it again as an adult, but still good.

Pinocchio -  Same as Snow White.

Fantasia - I know a lot of people loved this one, but it’s a Disney animated piece I don’t own and I’m not rushing to buy either.  Not a bad piece, but not one of the better ones.

Song of the South (live action, but had animation) - I’ve only seen this as a kid because the Political Correctness Nazis blocked this release to video.  From what I remember, it was really good.

Cinderella - It’s funny, after reading the uncensored fairy tale, it sure makes the Disney version look tame.  But this one’s still well-done.

Alice in Wonderland - I’ve seen probably a dozen movies with the Alice theme somehow incorporated in it.  Nothing’s a hair on Disney’s version.  I wonder if anyone will be able to capture the magic Disney captured with this one.

Peter Pan - I loved this movie as a child.  Even had the record (vinyl) of the songs.  Seeing it again as an adult and I wasn’t at all disappointed.

Lady and the Tramp - I liked this one as a kid, but it didn’t hold up seeing it again as an adult.

Sleeping Beauty - I didn’t like the Prince.  He was too dependent on the fairies’ magic and really didn’t do anything cool on his own.

101 Dalmations - I’m too prejudice to comment on this movie.  I hate dalmations.  They’re hyper, stupid dogs, a breed the world could do without, and whenever this movie hits the theatres, weeks later, parents give up on the stupid dalmation they got their kid and it ends up in the pound.

The Jungle Book - You know, I’ve never seen this as an adult so I won’t comment.  I liked it as a kid though.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks (live action but had animation) - I wonder if J.K. Rowling liked this one as a kid.  I saw it a few years ago as an adult and it looked dated, but as a kid, I loved it.

Robin Hood - This one just didn’t grab me.  I recently found out it’s the first movie Walt Disney wasn’t at all involved with (he died before the concept was even drawn out).

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh - I never saw this as an adult either, but Mrs. Z loves this one.

The Rescuers - I liked this one as a kid, but it bored me as an adult and I turned it off.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (live action but featured animation) - Excellent flick.  And based off a true story, sort of.  The automobile and oil companies bought up public transportation in L.A., which was one of the best in the world, and dismantled it for the ****** freeway.  If you’ve ever driven in L.A., you’ll know how aggrevating that can be.

The Little Mermaid - This was the movie that got me back into Disney.  They had a string of movies I just had no desire to see, then I remember seeing this one on a date with a cute Mexican girl.  I loved it.  I watched it recently and it’s still good.

The Rescuers Down Under - This one was okay, neither bad nor good.

Beauty and the Beast - Funny thing was I didn’t see this until 2002.  We went with a big group to Disney’s California Adventure (the worst amusement park I’ve ever been to) and one of the girls convinced me I had to see this one.  So I bought it, and fell in love with it.  This may be the best animated movie I’ve ever seen.

Aladdin - Another date movie, this was Robin Williams’ best work.  Excellent film, right up there with Little Mermaid.

The Lion King - Here’s where I get sacreligious.  I didn’t like this one.  It just seemed to me to be overproduced and overhyped, like a recent Metallica album.  I have no desire to see it again to see if my opinion changes.  I tried to watch parts and it didn’t grab me at all.

Pocahantas - Just didn’t get into it.

Hercules - Crap, utter crap.  I think this is when I started to dislike Michael Eisner.

Mulan - My wife liked it, I don’t.

The Emperor’s New Groove - Almost as bad as Hercules.  By then, I was a Disney shareholder and really upset.

Atlantis - Both my wife and I could only stomach five minutes of it.  This was horrible.

Lilo & Stitch - This was actually a surprise.  Mrs. Z, Junior, and I all enjoyed this one.

Treasure Planet - I can’t believe they made this one.  It was horrible.  Mrs. Z and I couldn’t get through it.

There have been three or four Disney feature films after Treasure Planet, but none I was in any hurry to catch.  They all looked horrible.