The Zombieslayer

Proponents of illegal immigration just love to accuse people who differentiate legal immigration and illegal immigration of racism. I’ve always wanted a country with equal opportunity for all Americans, regardless of race, color, religion, sexual orientation, gender, favorite football team, or whatever. And that’s how most Americans feel.

The thing about legal immigrants is they go through the paperwork. They study American civics. They pay taxes. They follow American laws. They take more pride in being Amerians than even American-born Americans. I like legal immigrants. I think they contribute greatly to America.

Now, if you want to call people like me racist, what do you have to say about this shit?

For the record, La Raza means “The Race.” Could you imagine a white supremist group being called “The Race?” Everyone would hate them as much as we hate the KKK. Yet, nobody bats an eye when there’s a Chicano group called La Raza. Double standard? Hell yes.

“California is going to be a Hispanic state, and everyone who doesn’t like it should leave.”

-Mario Obledo, the co-founder of MALDEF

“The ultimate ideology is the liberation of Aztlan. Communism would be closest [to it]. Once Aztlan is established, ethnic cleansing would commence: Non-Chicanos would have to be expelled — opposition groups would be quashed because you have to keep power.”

-Miguel Perez, Cal State Northridge’s chapter of MEChA

“We have an aging white America…They are dying…They are shitting in their pants with fear! I love it!”, “We have got to eliminate the gringo, and what I mean by that is if the worst comes to the worst, we have got to kill him.”

-Jose Angel Gutierrez, founder of La Raza Unida political party

“For La Raza todo, Fuera de La Raza nada.”

-MEChA saying. This means “for the race everything, for those outside the race, nothing. Are you outside the race? If so, should you give everything you own to these ass clowns?

I always wanted to see a united America. These mother fuckers want to divide it. Yes, it is their Right to Free Speech, but it’s also your Right to the Truth of where they’re coming from.

Thanks to my friend Neal for the quotes.

Those who are new to this site may not get my humor and may mistake me for a xenophobe. I’m actually quite the opposite. I just like to push the boundaries of humor, because with today’s political correctness, we’re not allowed to laugh at shit in public. It has come to the point of ridiculousness.

People are so oversensitive today that anything offends them. They’re offended by jokes, and they’re offending by generalizations, which often contain general truths. Heck, I was accepted to a Masters program in Sociology, which I ended up not taking up because I took up Computer Science instead. As a sociologist, all you do is deal in generalizations.

Anyways, here are some things I like about various people in other countries.

1 - Thais are the world’s nicest people. Their niceness is genuine too, with no ulterior motives.

2 - Japanese are some of the world’s most polite people. I was confused about the whole business card exchange thing, but now I understand that and keep lots of business cards on me when dealing with Japanese. Plus Sushi rules. Sushi or a good steak are tied for my favorite food (with Ben & Jerry’s ice cream in a close 3rd).

3 - I love French film. Badman only drinks French wine (from a specific region too, I forgot which one), but I’m a beer guy, so I can’t tell you one way or another. France has some brilliant directors and some seriously hot actresses too.

4 - I love Guiness and Corned Beef and Cabbage. Plus, Irish are great to drink with. Wonderful conversations.

5 - I loved every time we crossed the border into Canada. Canadians are exceptionally friendly and surprisingly good-looking.

6 - And I loved every time we crossed the border into Mexico. Mrs. Z and I had a blast in Cozumel, the last time we went there. Mexico has two of my favorite directors, some excellent musicians, and beautiful silver jewelry. I had a great time haggling for silver there.

7 - Pakistanis are a blast to party with. Funny that I’ve rarely met one who didn’t drink, even though they’re not supposed to. Whoops, I don’t think I was supposed to tell. Ok, forget I said that.

8 - Italian women are gorgeous. And their food rules. It’s definitely an underrated cuisine because too many Americans think Olive Garden is Italian food.

9 - Israelis are funny. I think Jews and American blacks are the funniest people in the world.

10 - New Zealand is gorgeous and her people are friendly. Imagine California with only four million people and you have New Zealand. Wide open space for days, good fishing, and very helpful people. One day we were on the side of the road taking pictures and several people stopped to ask if everything was ok. Imagine that.

And Spain has awesome castles.

Warning: Contains obscene situations. If you get offended easily, please skip this post.

One reason I like to drink is it loosens up other people. I’m already pretty loose, so I don’t need alcohol. Other people sometimes do.

I worked with this one Russian guy and he was always serious at work. The good thing about the Russians is that they rarely turn down booze. So I got “Ivan” nice and liquored up, and got him to tell me some jokes.

Ivan said in his part of Russia, they make fun of two groups of people - Jews, and Ukrainians. Well, I already posted a Jewish jokes on my old blog, and the jokes overlapped too much. However, I found the Ukrainian ones hilarious because they sound a lot like our “redneck” jokes.

How do Ukrainians put on their underwear?

Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

Why do little Ukrainian girls put a fish in their underwear?

So they can be like big Ukrainian girls.

Ivan was just about to tell me a third Ukrainian joke when someone else from the company came up to us and ruined the fun. We worked in a big corporation, so he knew if he told these Ukrainian jokes to anyone else there besides me, he’d probably have to watch that HR sensitivity video.

So, so much for Ukrainian jokes. I’ll have to get another Russian drunk to hear more. And don’t worry, I’ll share.

Warning - If you get offended easily, you might want to skip this post. It also has some R-rated language.

On my old blog, I had a series on ethnic jokes where I tried to hit everyone. It was a lot of fun. What was really funny is I got a lot of complaints that I didn’t get to their ethnicity yet. I had to tell people to have patience.

Now, what I find even funnier are ethnic jokes from other countries. Sometimes, they don’t translate very well and they sound stupid to us. For example, a Persian friend of mine was telling me a Turkish joke that sounded dumb. So then he apologized for not being able to translate it right. I told him no problem, and proceeded to tell him a Turkish joke a Pakistani friend of mine told me.

A Turkish guy is sitting on a plane next to a punk rocker with a 9″ Mohawk hairdo. He keeps staring at him and smiling, when finally, the punk rocker defensively asks the Turkish guy why he keeps looking over and smiling at him.

“How old are you?,” the Turkish guy asked.

“19.”

“Ah, you are my son!”

“Huh?,” the punk rocker asks.

“Well, 20 years ago, I made love to a peacock.”

I now have a Turkish friend and asked her who they make fun of. She told me “those Black Sea people.” Now, that’s funny.  Stupid Black Sea people.

Thomas the Tank Engine with lead paint. Causes mental retardation in children. Made in where? China, of course.

You heard about the poison dog and cat food. Causing kidney failure and a painful death. Imported from where? China.

Poison fish from China.

Toothpaste with diethylene glycol, a highly toxic chemical found in antifreeze from where else? China.

Needless to say, I told you so. Mrs. Z and I haven’t been buying anything made in China for years. Just today, we went to Target and looked for anything not bought in China. Made in Honduras? Good. Made in United States? Good. Made in India? Good. Made in Bangladesh? Good. Made in China? Forget it.

Harry Potter 7

The line outside of Barnes and Noble was literally 300 to 400 people. So we decided to go to Longs Drugs instead. The one by our house was open 24 hours, so no, we didn’t lose precious reading time.

I’m at Chapter 8 now and currently, Mrs. Z is reading it so I’m stuck on the internet. The minute she puts it down, I’m snagging it back. It’s been like this for the whole day.

So far? Yes, it’s good so far. When I finish it, I’ll post a review without giving away any spoilers.

Hope you’re all having a good weekend. I’ll visit some blogs until Mrs. Z puts the book down.