The Zombieslayer

Here’s a quick but incomplete list of tips for when the zombie plague starts.

First, you want to be in the shape for the terrain you’re in. For example, if you’re in North Dakota, you don’t want to be skinny, especially come winter time. If you’re in a desert, you don’t want to be overweight.

You may have to travel long distances carrying a lot of weight, especially if you have small children. Do you have a good backpack that is properly weighted? If not, pick one up immediately.

Do you have dogs? If so, do you have dog packs? The Cheyenne made wonderful use of dogs for carrying supplies. In fact, until the horse came to the New World, the Cheyenne used dogs as their main animal for carrying the small but important things.

Are you in shape to carry a backpack long distances through your climate in any season? If not, seriously consider what it would take to get in that kind of shape.

Martial Arts

I’ve had a lot of people ask me what kind of martial arts should they train for a zombie assault. I simply tell them this. You’re not trying to win a UFC. You simply want to survive. Anything that can get you bitten will get you killed. You want to avoid contact as much as possible and if you have to use any martial arts, you’d want to do things like a push kick or a quick throw.

So Judo is good, Jiu-Jitsu bad. Boxing, out of the question. Remember, you’re not trying to be tough. You’re simply trying to minimize any physical contact.

Weapons

The inevitable question of weapons comes up often. What kind of weapons should you own to protect yourself against zombies? Keep in mind, to slay a zombie, you need to penetrate its brain. For me personally, I like Japanese swords.

Do not buy “display” quality swords. These will give you a false sense of security. In real combat, they will break.

For guns, the very guns that Dianne Feinstein (Democratic Senator from California) wants to ban are the best things against zombies. You sometimes have to wonder if she’s a misanthrope and actually is rooting for the zombies to win.

You want the civilian version of a military rifle. You want to be semi-automatic, NOT full-automatic. Keep in mind, you’re going to need rounds. Do not waste them, and learn to make every shot count.

I do not like handguns, but you should have at least one just in case. Handguns have a very short range and are inaccurate, but they’ll buy you time. Time is the key here. And they weigh very little, something you’ll be thankful for if you have to abandon your home base and travel a long distance.

Practice, practice, practice

I cannot emphasize this enough. Can you make a head shot at 50 meters? At 100 meters? If not, then you should be at the gun range this very weekend. Cancel that Las Vegas vacation. Training is more important.

Don’t get overconfident either. It’s easy making your shots when you have time. But can you make your shots when you’re surrounded by zombies?

I’ll do food and water another day. I’ll also discuss things like scurvy, things a lot of intelligent people overlook. Until then, be safe, be prepared, and keep practicing your head shots.

I’ve been Bush bashing a lot recently, so I thought this would be appropriate. So to make things fair, I think I’d publish a good joke at the Democrats’ expense.

My buddy sent this to me recently, but it was an updated version. I’m going to change it back to the original version I heard years ago.

Subject: Are you a Democrat or a Republican?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your spouse and two small children. Suddenly, a psycho with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

……………………………………………………..

THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN

Democrat’s Answer:

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

……………………………………………………

For the record, I’m neither a Democrat nor Republican, but I would have shot twice in the chest and once in the face, especially considering it’s a .40 caliber.

This is just for fun. Think of some songs you like that weren’t big hits that should have been. I’ll start with a few…

1. Simple Minds - Someone, Somewhere, in Summertime. Great song, but nobody’s heard it. They scored a huge hit with “Don’t You Forget About Me,” which is a song that I can’t stand. I know everyone liked that song but I don’t.

2. Tori Amos - Winter. This is the best song she ever wrote, and I love Tori so that’s saying something. Yet, it never was a hit. What’s wrong with people’s tastes?

3. Beautiful Creatures - Wish. Great ballad, but that band never made it and I don’t think they’re even around anymore.
4. H.I.M - Love You Like I Do. This is probably Mrs. Z’s and my song. We have several “songs,” but this is probably the one. H.I.M is big at Hot Topic, but they’ve only had one Gold album in America, and it wasn’t even their best album.

5. Slayer - War Ensemble. Slayer writes pretty songs the whole family can sing along to. Yet, they’ve never had a hit single. I don’t get it.

OK friends. Let’s hear some opinions.

Last week, we had possibly the most important global event of the year with the Lal Masjid Siege in Islamabad, Pakistan. A little background for those not familiar with it. There were two sides, the Pakistan Army together with Pakistan Special Forces versus Lal Masjid students. The Pakistani government forces moved in to the Lal Masjid college/Mosque after the Lal Masjid students ransacked, burned, and looted the Ministry of Environment building in Islamabad.

Now before you jump to conclusions, these students are extremists, strong backers of the Taliban, and the type of people who believe in covering women head to foot, keeping women subjugated, banning contraceptives, alcohol, and pretty much, any fun. They’re hateful people from the core, the type of people the world would be better off without. I don’t say that lightly either.

One of the pillars of Islam is Charity. The Lal Masjid students have no compassion. They’re for banning everything, and completely full of hate. I want to make it clear that these people will be a really bad representation of Islam.

Pakistan is a country we’ll need to look at more closely. Whether you like it or not, they have nuclear weapons. Their leader is Musharraf, who is a Progressive and wants to move Pakistan into the 21st century. Lal Masjid idiots want to fight that, and move Pakistan back into the Medieval days. Hey, I liked those Lord of the Rings movies too, but that’s a fantasy world. The true Medieval days sucked, and everyone was poor.

Lal Masjid also launched an assassination attempt on Musharraf. If they had managed to assassinate him, the world, especially India, would be in serious trouble. You’d have a revolution between Progressives and Extremists, and it could go either way. If the Extremists took power, you’d have a country that was even more scary than North Korea.

America’s role in all this

This is the tricky part. We give foreign aid to Musharraf, and Musharraf assists us in the “War on Terror.” If we get too cozy with Musharraf, he looks like an American puppet to a lot of Pakistani citizens. But if we drop foreign aid, we risk him falling out of power and the Extremists taking over. It really is a delicate situation.

The Pakistani people are intelligent and progressive. I’ve partied many times with Pakistanis and they’re a lot of fun. The thing is, there’s a very strong undercurrent of Islamic Extremism in Pakistan, and there’s a chance it could go the way of Afghanistan, which before the Russians moved in was a Progressive nation, where you’d see bars (yes, the type that serve alcohol) right next to a Mosque, which is a good thing. You also saw a lot of female Doctors, Lawyers, Nurses, and Politicians. After the Russians lost that war, the Extremists took over, and you no longer saw bars, and women became practically slaves.

I do not have the answer, my friends. All I can do is hope that Musharraf stays in power for the time being, and his successor is Progressive. The fight must be won within Islam itself. If we aid the Progressives too much, the Extremists would use that against them for popular opinion. So it really is a delicate situation.

I’m hoping the Progressives stay in power. I have no sympathy whatsoever for the Lal Masjid morons. During the siege, anywhere from 75 to 350 of them died, depending on which source you want to believe. Good riddance I say. I don’t think Americans have any idea just how bad these people are because we don’t have anything to compare them to today. Yes, the KKK is evil, but it’s such a small scale relatively.

I’m looking forward to the day when Christians, Muslims, Jews, Atheists, Pagans, Hindus, Buddhists, Taoists, or whatever can live together peacefully. People like the Lal Masjid whackjobs will do everything in their power to stop that day. That’s why they need to be stopped.

She sums it up

A female student, requesting anonymity, said, “How can you allow someone to start running around and enforcing sharia through kidnappings, threats and attacks the way Ghazi was?”

Source - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lal_Masjid_siege

Hope you all had a marvelous weekend.

Considering it was ridiculously hot over here, we stayed out of the sun most of the weekend, going for walks late at night and enjoying pizza and sushi. I was too lazy to cook.

On Saturday, had some people over, including two fellow bloggers. To protect their privacy, I won’t mention who they are, because not everyone wants the world to know they have geek sides to them. As you already know, I’m proud of my geek side.

There’s a game we play called Pirates of the Spanish Main where you buy card packs and inside the card packs are two ships that you assemble, plus some coins, a dude or a chick who play a minor role, a tiny six-sided die, and a bunch of pirate treasure coins.

It’s all about the gold, baby! We played teams and while I kept getting attacked, my partner collected gold from the islands. I only lost one ship, because every time I got wounded too badly, I limped those ships into port while my other ships covered them.

The strategy proved successful, for in the end, we ended up with the most gold. Regardless of how many ships you have left in the end, what counts is the gold.

The picture is my fleet with one of my drawings in the background. I did a little bit of editing with The GIMP, a tool I got several of my friends hooked on.

The picture’s a thumbnail so click on it if you want to view it.