The Zombieslayer

Okay, I’ve already done my research. I’ve gone to http://www.issues2000.org/default.htm and found which candidate most closely resembles my beliefs. There are some things I seriously disagree with him about, but he’s the closest.

It’s Ron Paul, not a surprise to a lot of you. He puts Freedom first, and strongly believes in the Constitution, not as a living and breathing document, but as something that protects yours and my Rights, Rights we were born with that government will try to erode if given the chance.

Paul is hated among the current Republicans in power. Today’s Republicans are liars and frauds. Bush is one of the politicians I hate the most, for he’s as fake as they come. Bill Clinton cut spending and gave us a surplus. Bill Clinton, a Democrat, is economically the true conservative. Clinton leaves office, and Bush immediately raises spending to enormous levels and will leave your kids a deficit to pay off for decades. That’s not a conservative, my friends. That’s a failure who can’t balance a budget.

What’s worse is a scary amount of that money we owe is to China. China, one of the most evil nations on Earth (the government, not the people). But Bush puts the interests of his corporate sponsors and China’s banks above the interests of America and America’s people. That’s Bush for you, only looking out for his own interests.

Paul will change this. Paul believes in protecting the Constitution, not going into war without an official declaration of war by Congress (how it’s supposed to be done), and protecting American interests first.

If you truly care about your nation, keep what I told you in mind. Feel free to disagree with me. You may have different opinions, and that is fine. It’s a Free country. All I ask is you consider what issues are most dear to you and do your homework.

Do some research on http://www.issues2000.org/default.htm to find out where your favorite candidates stand on the issues you care about the most. And vote! Don’t make excuses not to vote either. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re not dying or attending a funeral on election day, you have no legitimate reason not to vote.

Folks, it’s July 4th, and some of you have already started drinking. For those who are sober, Neal showed me this site:

http://www.issues2000.org/default.htm

It has all the candidates and how they are on the issues. Please read up on your favorite candidates before deciding how you will vote. And vote too, dammit! Don’t make some lame ass excuse for not voting. I don’t care if you vote for your dog, just vote.

American jokes

I’m bringing back an old post from the other blog. Most of you haven’t read it, because this is really old. The few of you who have, well, maybe you can get a 2nd laugh from it. Here goes:

As promised, here are my American jokes. I heard all of them from one guy, a German intern we used to have. I’ll call him Herman.

Herman’s a super nice guy. But like a typical European, he’s an unrealistic pacifist. He has an irrational fear of firearms (so I was unable to take him to the shooting range). At least he takes showers though. Nothing worse than a smelly European.

Because of his overly pacifism, he could never be the soccer player he could have been. He passes to someone else so they could flub the shot rather than taking the shot himself. It’s because he’s too nice. He would rather his buddy score than himself. That’s fine and all, but if your buddy’s a spaz, take the dang shot yourself and score one for the team instead of being a nice guy.

His other weakness is that he’s whipped, really bad. He got offended when I said he picked the wrong sister to be his girlfriend. His girlfriend’s Vietnamese. She can’t cook anything but top ramen. Her sister however supposedly makes wonderful pho. Now, the choice in my book is obvious. I don’t care if his girlfriend’s a ten and her sister’s only a six. I’d take the one who could make pho. Priorities, Herman.

Not only that, at the time, we were in Santa Barbara, the town of hot chicks. His girlfriend was in Germany. We’d be walking down State Street, see a gaggle of hot chicks, and he’d look the other way. I’d say, “Herman, what are you doing?”

“That’s cheating.”

“Huh? I’m married and I’ll still look. What’s wrong with you, Herman?”

Geez. Wacko Germans.

Anyways, here they are, brought to you by Herman the German intern - American jokes.

Two Americans are in Switzerland waiting at the bus stop. A guy comes up to them and says “Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”

The two Americans just look at him.

“Lei parla l’italiano?”

The two Americans just look at him.

¿Hablan ustedes español?

The two Americans just look at him.

Parlez-vous le français?

The two Americans just look at him.

Finally, the guy gets frustrated and takes off. After he leaves, one of the Americans turns to the other. “Do you think we should learn a foreign language?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Well, look at that guy. He spoke four and look what good it did him!”

Here’s another. Do you know how you spot the American?
He’s the fat guy asking for directions.

And finally…
You know what you call someone who speaks two languages?
Bilingual

Do you know what you call someone who speaks three languages?
Trilingual

Do you know what you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.

Ha ha. Stupid Herman. The whole world should speak American English anyways. If you know any American jokes, please send ‘em. If you got offended, unfortunately, I lost touch with Herman so I can’t send his address so you can’t track him down and kick his ***. If you do catch him, don’t worry, he’s a pacifist so he won’t hit back. And if Herman happens to be reading this, I still stand by what I said that you’re dating the wrong sister. Hope you didn’t marry that non-cooking chick. No wonder you’re so skinny.

Oh, one more thing Herman, my cousin said you had beautiful eyes. You’re too late though, she just got married recently. And yes, she’s a heck of a cook.

Did you hear the big news? Over 60% of Canadians would fail the immigration test immigrants have to become citizens. So, yours truly got a hold of that test and will try to answer the questions. Results below.

How many territories/provinces does Canada have? Well, isn’t Canada the 51st state? Or is that Puerto Rico? Just kidding. Eight.

Name them. Um. Let’s see…
British Columbia, Yukon, the Northwest Territories, Quebec, that one that contains Newfoundland, Bob, Jim, Sarah, and Becky

Who is the Head of State? Ha! I know this. It’s a trick question, but I know this one. Queen Elizabeth II. Eat that, Canadian test makers!

What is the National Bird? The mosquito? Or is that Minnesota’s national bird? Well, Minnesota, Canada, same thing. Big, cold places with lots of ice and lousy football teams.

What is Canada’s biggest export? Maple syrup and mediocre singers (Bryan Adams, Alannis More Upset, and Celine Dion. Please, take them back!)

What is Canada’s favorite past-time? Driving zambonis and shoveling snow.

What is the capital of Canada? Well, it’s not Vancouver. Montreal?

Who was the first Prime Minster of Canada? Sir John Macdonald. Ha! I knew this one too.

What industry employs the most Canadians? Hockey? I was just kidding. I’d have to say people who keep peace between English and French speakers.

OK, Canadians. You can grade my test and see if I can be a Canadian citizen. Actually, you can’t grade my test because you probably failed it too.
Happy belated Canada Day!

If you were a Judge, and a man (or woman) shot and killed a child molester who was lawfully convicted of molesting their eight-year-old child, could you convict him (or her)?

I wouldn’t. I’d buy that person a beer.

The Bravery vs The Killers

Currently listening to The Bravery’s latest album. I heard a lot of comparison between them and The Killers. So far, like the latter band better. Who knows though, maybe they’ll grow on me.

Yes, I’m trying to listen to something that’s not Heavy Metal. Speaking of Metal, my two favorite bands (Judas Priest and Nightwish) are both coming out with new albums this year. Already got the tickets to Nightwish. Couldn’t convince Badman to join us though. I’m still working on getting him into Metal.

A Life Tip - Toilet Seat Covers

One tip in life - you know those toilet seat covers? Grab with both hands. If you grab with one hand, you have a decent chance you might rip it.