Who’s more likely to survive?
September 11th, 2007Living in a politically correct city, I hear the jokes all the time about how Billy Bob Countryboy sleeps with his sister and screws sheep. Ha ha. Same jokes for over a thousand years and hundreds of different cultures. Yes, even the Ancient Romans had these same jokes. Sure they’re funny. Making fun of people who are not you is ALWAYS a funny thing.
But who’s more likely to survive when the zombie plague starts? Well, let’s take a look at Max Cityboy’s versus Billy Bob Countryboy’s skill sets.
Billy Bob Countryboy
- can skin, gut, and prepare animals for Mrs. Countryboy to cook
- can tan hides
- can grow food
- can tell when a storm is comin’
- can get that vehicle that should have been junked a decade ago running
- can make a single shot kill shot at 200 yards without a scope
- knows how to collect water
- already trained his dog to do a lot of the dirty work
On other other hand, Max Cityboy
- can talk really loud on his cell phone
- is good at looking busy at work, whether he has work to do or not
- can shuffle papers around
- can keep up with the Joneses by maxing out his credit cards
- knows all the latest stock tips
- can fill up his SUV, which he REALLY needs to get him through the rugged off-road terrain you’ll find in the suburbs
- knows the best bottle of wine for $20, the latest movies that Siskel & Ebert both gave thumbs up to, and all the hot new fashions
- reminds you constantly of how cultured and worldly he is
I don’t know about y’all, but I’ll put my money on Billy Bob Countryboy when the zombies come, even if he sleeps with his sister and screws sheep. Max Cityboy has some neat-o skill sets, but nothing that would really help in the upcoming zombie plague. Talking about biting the hand that feeds.
We can skin a buck, we can run a trout line, country boys can survive. And so can this Carolina country boy, I can still shoot pretty good and have read the Zombie survival guide and World War Z. Bring on the ghouls.
Beach - You I’m not worried about.
I haven’t read WWZ yet.
well shucks, our girl bonnie sue is gittin all esxcited about the upcoming huntin season. she got herself a big ole buck her first year out and a doe every year after. 16 yrs old and this will be her 4th hunt. that girl of mine could put many a man to shame
I’m goin’ with Billy Bob!
Haha! Yeah, the safe bet would be on the country boy. Though, you never know how instinct can take over in times of crisis for some people.
Monica, you and I don’t need Billy Bob to shoot for us!
BS, sure, anybody can learn to do something if they have to. Myself, I want someone(that would be ME), who will have the hide in one big piece when they’re done skinning the deer.
ZS, the most important skill that most city people don’t have, is how to light a fire.
You do know Tshsmom is right.I have to admit I dont even know how to light a good fire outside other than using the grill. LOL…
hahaha!
Nice to see you back again. I thought you’d quit writing for good.
I know how to shoot. I won’t do gutting. That’s gross.
Its not that we are from the country…its that we arent a fraid to eat things that run away or that dont have an expiration date on them…
I just knew that one of these days my time spent in the south living in a very small town would pay off for me…I just hate it that it has to be during a zombie invasion..cant we pick something else besides zombies..they sort of freak me out : )
I am sooooooo safe. I am married to Billy Bob Countryboy plus he’s retired trained killer. (x military). We’ve got a huge spread and ya’ll come if you need to hide out. When I met him I said, “What’s that on the living room floor?’ and he said as casual as you please, “A deer leg.” As if I should have known…..
If you have a sister why do you need a sheep?????
Seriously though, take up bow hunting (as I am trying to do)once the ammo is gone a gun is a club. You can always learn to make arrows.
ROFL that is hilarious!!!! Your cityboy description is the bear!!!!!
Bridget - Thanks! Glad you saw the humor in that piece.
Exmi - If you have a sister why do you need a sheep?????
That’s exactly what I would say. Jeez, people! That’s overkill.
I’m not very good with the bow. One of my weaknesses. Junior’s much better than I. And yes, unless you got a bayonet on your gun, it’s a club once you’re out of ammo and the zombies are starting to surround you.
Granny - Great news! I won’t worry about you then.
Jen - You’re back! Good to see you back in the blogger’s world.
Zombies freak us all out. I won’t be a macho idiot and lie to you and say I’m not worried. I’m just as scared as you are. But unlike most people, I’m working on keeping my wits about it and being prepared.
Kate - Fine. You shoot, I’ll gut.
Saur - I’ll never give up writing. I love it too much.
Tweety - Tshsmom will definitely survive when the plague comes.
Tshsmom - I know you’re a good shot.
As for fires, I cheat and use a candle. With a candle, I could start a fire in the rain.
Bsoholic - My buddy Badman and I had an entire conversation about what you said. We both agreed that the experiences of Cityboy would be too limited to survive. But yes, some people are the exceptions and will let their good instincts take over. Those are a small minority of those from the cities.
Monica - Me too.
Lime - That’s awesome!
Nothing more cool than a girl with guns.
I agree with you. When Global Warming (or the Zombie Plague) strikes, how many people will have water and food stored, know how to grow a garden and kill their own livestock, etc… Not many. we’re looking for a place with land so that we can get a couple of chickens and a milk cow.
United - I lived with chickens once. They’re really easy to keep, and I’d love to live with them again. However, never had a cow.
Global warming is one of those issues I have a problem with fellow Right-wingers about. Ok, say there’s a 50% chance it’s real and a 50% chance it’s completely made up for political reasons. Well, shouldn’t you err on the side of caution?
I’m not that type of a scientist, so to tell you the truth, I don’t know. But I’d rather err on the side of caution. Besides, using less resources and using less fossil fuels makes sense anyways.
That’s the thing about it: nobody appreciates a country boy until his skill sets are needed for survival. This is what movies are made of. What was that Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin film? A bear stalked them in the woods and suddenly Hopkins with his woodsman skills paid dividends.
I know plenty of suburban boys who can kill and gut a deer…problem is that I’m a vegetarian, so that won’t help me at all.
Having lived in your PC city I was amazed to find out that everybody who lives in the Midwest is a hick who knows how to milk a cow. Guess Detroit isn’t actually a city. I even heard them diss Chicago!!!
My money’s on Billy Bob. Not only does he have the skill sets to survive the Zombie Plague, if everyone else becomes a zombie he can repopulate the world with his sisters! (KIDDING)
P.S., you’ve been tagged. Don’t hate me. ;D
There’s nothing wrong with reducing your impact on the environment, no matter why you’re doing it.
Scott - I need to see that movie. And yes, nobody appreciates a country boy until they need him. Then right after they’re done needing him, they’ll go right back to biting the hand that feeds and belittle him again.
Kathleen - Chicago has way more culture than ANYWHERE on the West Coast, especially L.A. which is pretty much devoid of culture, even though they like to see themselves as a cultural hub. I love Midwesterners. My favorite Americans.
And yes, there are some suburban folks who have country boy skills. They’re just a silent minority.
SME - Saw your tag. I’ll do it later on today.
United - Completely agreed. I am a proud environmentalist, and don’t get some of my fellow Right-winger’s disrespect for the environment. It makes sense to use less resources for the Earth, but also economically. But that’s another post.