The Zombieslayer

1)  What do you like best about San Francisco?

The food or the concert venues.  I don’t really like S.F. club scene, but a great place to see concerts.  I love the Filmore and the Warfield for shows, and there are some other smaller venues I like as well.

2)  What took you to San Francisco (assuming you weren’t born and raised there)?

I was born in Chicago, lived in over half a dozen states, but ended up in California for the weather.  Now I’m here because the job situation in my field is good, and I actually like this area.  If money weren’t an issue, I won’t lie to you, I’d be elsewhere.

3)  Where did you get your obsession with zombies?

It’s how civilization will end.  Read Max Brooks’ The Zombie Survival Guide if you want to live.

4)  What do you like most about yourself?

I’m blessed.  I have a good brain, a healthy body, and a positive attitude.  It’s hard to say what I like best.  I think one thing I like best is in life, I roll with the punches and keep fighting, no matter what life throws at me.  I’m in a good situation right now and appreciate it because I’ve had it pretty bad in the past.

5)  What does it take to be a “pretentious critic?”  I’m not applying to be one, just wondering. 

For each one of us, it’s different.  But you have to be full of yourself.  You have to know your stuff.  You have to write well.  You can’t be afraid to diss someone’s favorite movie or song.  And you have to have a sense of humor, which is conflicting what I just said, but you can’t take it all too seriously.
Ironically, you have to have your preferences.  You should have a favorite movie or music genre and be able to defend it to the bitter end.  And you have to care about things that nobody else cares about.  And lastly, you have to get along with our site owner.
OK, that’s the interview.  If anyone wants to be interviewed, let me know in the comments field.  These are the 5 rules I got from Kathleen:

Interview rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

I want to make one thing clear. I am not agreeing nor disagreeing with what was said. I’m mentioning it for the context. Read on and you’ll know what I mean.

So, I talking to some co-workers the other day and somehow terrorism came up. One of my co-workers from India, we’ll call her “Betty,” mentioned that Muslim terrorists killed a bunch of people in her hometown. Betty then started going off on Muslims, how they’re always causing trouble and how Hindus and Buddhists never kill innocent people like that. It’s always the Muslims.

Then she went off on how Muslims breed and breed and breed. Hindus practice birth control and generally have two or less children per family. But Muslims will have too many kids, more kids than they can afford to raise, then a lot of those kids turn to terrorism because they can’t afford to feed them and send them to school.

Now, here’s MY issue. If an American said that at work, they’d be fired before you can say Human Resources. But instead, people were consoling Betty and telling her they felt bad that the terrorists did that to her town.

The one Muslim girl who was sitting with us was quiet. I felt bad for her so I quickly mentioned that all the Muslims I knew were cool, practiced birth control, and were fun to party with (which actually is true), and how America does a great job in weeding out the bad ones. I think it was there that the others realized that we had a Muslim girl sitting with us, but still, nothing.

Now, this story is probably even worse. At one of my old jobs, we had an English guy who worked with us who used to say off hand stuff all the time that would have gotten an American fired. But he’s English, and his accent is “cute,” so he got away with it.

One day, I have no idea how it came up, but he started talking about co-workers breasts, with some of the co-workers present. I should have walked away right there (to save my own a**), but curiosity took over and I stayed. Well, he started rating and comparing them, then taking guesses who had real ones and who had fake ones.

I don’t even have to say this, but if an American said that, he’d be gone and the women who were present would get nice checks from the company to save the company from lawsuits. But since he was English, it was all good. I even called one of the girls up on it and you know what she said? She said that it’s different in other countries so she wasn’t offended. Then I straight up asked if she would be offended if an American said the same thing and she said “of course!”

I rest my case.

Moral of the story - with political correctness, you’re better off being a foreigner, because Americans don’t get Free Speech at work.

SME gave me a Nice Matters Award. I’m one of seven people to SME who makes the blogging world nicer. See, I told you I was nice.

She thought I wouldn’t like this tag, but I actually do. I take pride in being nice. The regular world is stressful. You got bad traffic, high unemployment, noisy neighbors, people at the office who reheat fish in the microwave, loved ones who get seriously ill leaving you seriously worrying, etc. Life isn’t easy, and a little bit of niceness goes a long way.

I still remember nice things that strangers have done. Like when we were teenagers, my friend hydroplaned into a ditch. Two big Latinos got out of their car and helped us get it out of the ditch. We kindly thanked them, and they moved on. That’s really cool.

This morning, I helped a strange white guy who was hopelessly lost. He kept stopping on the road and getting in my way so I stopped and asked if his car was okay. He smiled and said the car’s fine, it’s him that’s lost. I showed him where he needed to go and he smiled and waved and was on his way.

Little things like that make the world a better place. I’m trying, but there are times I’m too busy to notice and help out and I don’t like that feeling. Anyways, enough of my rambling. Here are 7 bloggers who make the blogging world a better place. Some people have only given this award to Ladies, but if that’s a rule, I’m breaking it and giving it to Gentlemen too.
I’ve known Kate for years. She’s a geniune sweetheart and is much deserving of a Nice Matters Award. It was really cool to be able to ask her to be a fellow pretentious film critic. She’s more mainstream as opposed to the weird stuff Badman, SME, or I often watch.

Clothosfate recently joined the pretentious group as well. She’s a really nice Canadian, and one of the only bloggers from May ‘05 who’s still active. Definitely say hello, as she could use a hug.

Bsoholic makes me laugh. He’s a fellow metalhead, likes telling jokes, has a hot fiancee, and his Photoshop skills but my GIMP skills to shame.

Thomcat’s a great guy. I used to love his old blog because he’d give some good lovin’ advice that made Mrs. Z very happy. It’s gone now, however, the 5th Circle of Cubical Hell V2 remains. Check out that blog for a good laugh.

Grannie Annie’s new to this blog, and I’ll add her to my Beautiful People list as soon as I get this post finished. She raises chickens and has a wonderful sense of humor.

Kathleen used to live in San Francisco. We didn’t overlap though, and now she’s a Midwesterner. She has a lot of the same musical tastes as fellow pretentious critic Badman.

And lastly, Scott, you’re a great father. I know it’s not easy being a Dad, because the media is always finding faults in fathers. It’s like everything we do is wrong. Screw the media, a lot of fathers are doing fine, and doubting themselves because of the b.s. they keep hearing from the media. Your sons are going to turn out great. And as much as I hate the Cowboys, I love Emmett Smith. The guy’s got a heart of a lion, and I’ve always respected good warriors, even if they don’t fight on my side.

Living in a politically correct city, I hear the jokes all the time about how Billy Bob Countryboy sleeps with his sister and screws sheep. Ha ha. Same jokes for over a thousand years and hundreds of different cultures. Yes, even the Ancient Romans had these same jokes. Sure they’re funny. Making fun of people who are not you is ALWAYS a funny thing.

But who’s more likely to survive when the zombie plague starts? Well, let’s take a look at Max Cityboy’s versus Billy Bob Countryboy’s skill sets.

Billy Bob Countryboy
- can skin, gut, and prepare animals for Mrs. Countryboy to cook
- can tan hides
- can grow food
- can tell when a storm is comin’
- can get that vehicle that should have been junked a decade ago running
- can make a single shot kill shot at 200 yards without a scope
- knows how to collect water
- already trained his dog to do a lot of the dirty work

On other other hand, Max Cityboy
- can talk really loud on his cell phone
- is good at looking busy at work, whether he has work to do or not
- can shuffle papers around
- can keep up with the Joneses by maxing out his credit cards
- knows all the latest stock tips
- can fill up his SUV, which he REALLY needs to get him through the rugged off-road terrain you’ll find in the suburbs
- knows the best bottle of wine for $20, the latest movies that Siskel & Ebert both gave thumbs up to, and all the hot new fashions
- reminds you constantly of how cultured and worldly he is

I don’t know about y’all, but I’ll put my money on Billy Bob Countryboy when the zombies come, even if he sleeps with his sister and screws sheep. Max Cityboy has some neat-o skill sets, but nothing that would really help in the upcoming zombie plague. Talking about biting the hand that feeds.

I was at a bar last night with two friends from work.  We started talking about sex and it included sexual frequency.  One of them was a woman, and she had a great body.  If I were her hubby, I’d be all over her.

But she said something disturbing.  They only do it once every two weeks.  They’re so caught up in the rat race that they don’t have time for sex.

Pardon the pun, but screw that! I got a friend of mine who’s trying to get me a job in San Francisco proper.  I’d be making about $30k more than I’m making now.  However, I’ll have to commute, which would limit time with Mrs. Z and Junior, and that’s especially important because I’m the person who helps Junior with his homework.

I’m so un-Yuppie.  I don’t get it.  I have no need to have a nice car.  A house is a house, as long as it’s not falling apart and it’s not in a neighborhood where you hear gunshots and loud rap bass at two in the morning.  I wear hand me downs and cheap shoes.  I don’t own a suit.  I get my ties from Target, and they usually have cartoon characters on them.

I can’t imagine having sex once every two weeks and being married.  Too tired for sex? Well, take a job that’s less stressful.  And stop having to impress other people with material things.  Start appreciating what you have.  No wonder so many Californians get divorced.  They’re so caught up in the rat race, that they place money above sex.  I think they have a screw loose.