Hugo Chavez is on to us
November 19th, 2007Dang. I thought I was good at keeping a secret. Well, I don’t think it was me who let the Venezuelans know. Or maybe I had way too much rum when I was there and let them know what we’re up to. If so, sorry about that.
Hugo Chavez, the head of Venezuela, somehow found out that we were just about to invade Venezuela. Yes, right after we wrap things up in Afghanistan and Iraq, we were planning on invading Venezuela and taking their oil.
In Chavez’s visit to Iran, he met with Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (why can’t any of these guys have names that are easy to spell?) and told him “the U.S. empire is going down.” Yeah, we’re an empire all right. Look at all the territory we own outside our borders, like, um, well, I guess we’re protectorates in Puerto Rico and Guam. Wow. We’re an empire all right.
So Chavez fears we’ll attack him. He told Ahmadinejad that prices of oil will double when we attack them.
Then he went on to joke about getting atomic weapons of his own after Iran gets some. “As the imperialist press says, I came to look for an atomic bomb, and I’ve got it here. If anyone should cross me, I’ll fire it.”
Yeah, our press keeps saying over and over again all about your piss ant country building a nuke. If that’s so, how come more than 90% of Americans couldn’t find Venezuela on a map?
He then went on to assure Ahmadinejad that their two nations are “united like a single fist,” when we attack either of them.
Look, Mr. Chavez. Hate to break it to you, but we simply don’t care to invade you. The only one who will be doing any invading is Bush, and that whole family is done. He’s a lame duck President now, with a popularity rating about equivalent to your I.Q. Yes, it’s that low. No Bush will ever be President again, and America has grown tired of war. Unless attacked, we won’t be invading anyone for a long time. Got it? And if the Democrats weren’t a bunch of pussies, we’d be out of Iraq and Bush would be impeached by now.
Sometimes I wonder if Hugo Chavez is compensating for something. Or maybe, with all those beautiful Venezuelan women (as the resident expert in beautiful women, believe me, Venezuela ranks pretty high), maybe Chavez can’t get it up around them. Someone please send the guy some Viagra and maybe he’ll shut up. He’s ruining my beer buzz.
Did you hear that the most popular ring-tone in Spain right now is King Juan Carlos telling Chavez to shut up? I laughed when he called Bush stupid, but really, the man is a nutjob.
Kathleen - No, didn’t hear that. That’s awesome.
Yeah, Bush is stupid, but Chavez is a nutjob.
pretty funny
I dunno, Venezuela might could use the awesome destruction our powerful ass war machine could bring upon them… hah! jk of course.
What a dumb ass.
Hiya there. Lets try this again today.. LOL.. I dont want a nuclear war. But I dont see the reason for us to be stealing oil either really. Oh well. Lets just hope this doesnt happen.
Here is a link to the story Kathleen mentioned:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7101386.stm
I wonder if Jimmy Carter still thinks Chavez is so wonderful now that he’s trying to make himself “ruler for life”?
Kate - Thanks.
Bsoholic -
Yeah, he’s a dumbass alright.
Tweety - Don’t worry, we’re not going to war with them. He’s paranoid that we are, so I’m making fun of his paranoia. We have no intentions to attack them.
Miladysa - Thanks! That article is great. I’m so sick of hearing the word fascist being overused. It’s like the boy who cried wolf. When there’s a real fascist, nobody will listen because it’s been said so many times.
Tshsmom - I like Carter as a person, but he was a horrible President. Why? Because he tries to see the best in everyone. You can’t do that. There are bad people out there. He’s one of those people who are “too good for their own good.”
You mean we’re not going to attack him? Oh, well… there’s always Iran after we finish with Iraq. In about 2052.
happy thanksgiving Zom,
Mike
Chavez is one hilarious dumbass. How do people like him and Bush come to power?!?!! Baffles me
Have a great Thx giving mate
Ofta..LOL.. Thank goodness. I dont want another war right now.I have a few friends over in Iraq and my brother in law in the airforce is enough for anyone.
Mike - You too!
My Girlfriend’s Hot - Bush got in power by promising something he didn’t deliver - economic conservatism. He’s the opposite.
Tweety - Yeah, my wife’s buddy’s hubby is there right now. He’s a “paper pusher,” but he does travel in convoys so there’s still a chance he can get killed. So of course they’re extremely worried. And he can’t accept calls, only call out.
I value our country, our freedom, the price paid and the price being paid for that freedom. I was taught that there is always hope as long as we draw breath. I cling to that life lesson as I franticly look around and peer into the eyes of every politician and know they had to be crooked to get where they are…..so, come on HOPE where are you hiding?
Hey just me again. I e-mailed you yesterday and had a question but you can read the e-mail. Hubby would just like to talk to you if you have a few minutes this evening or tomorrow sometime. He is curious about the people I talk to and such. He’s not jealous but just curious. Please what ever you do dont mention what I put on my blog. He doesnt read it and I dont want him reading it. Seriously. Thanks.
Granny - Hope is still out there. We’ll be fine, as long as we stick to our guns.
Tweety - It was good talking to you. Make sure he emails me and we’ll exchange resumes and get him a good job.
Thank you for not bashing Jimmy Carter and saying what I’ve said for years. He was too good of a man to be president.