The Zombieslayer

The Zombieslayer
Riding a bike without a helmet for over 30 years

2 quick English lessons + a joke

December 28th, 2007

“No problem” is not the correct response to “thank you.” The correct response to thank you is “you’re welcome” or “sure.” “No problem” is the response to an apology. If I say “thank you,” I am not apologizing to you.

This is something that the younger generation is doing and frankly, it’s wrong. It’s probably because today’s teachers are too afraid to correct their English because they’re afraid of hurting their fragile self-esteem.

For my second English lesson of the day, “it’s” is a contraction. It is short for “it is.” It is not a possessive. “Its” is a possessive. Observe:

The dog waves its tail.

It’s a cute dog.

It’s a shame I have to waste a blog post on this crap, but our public education system has deteriorated to the point that it has to be done so America doesn’t become the laughingstock of the English speaking world. And for all you teachers out there, please do your job and correct your students’ English before we sound like a nation of morons. If the parents complain about their children’s self-esteem, smack them upside the head. You can tell them that that’s from The Zombieslayer.

Someone, I forgot who, specifically requested this joke.  Here it is.  I’ve heard this version with four or five ethnicities and I only remember the three ethnicity version:

Heaven and Hell 

Heaven is where the Administration is German, the police are English, and the food is Italian

Hell is where the police are German, the Administration is Italian, and the food is English

10 Responses to “2 quick English lessons + a joke”

  1. comment number 1 by: lime

    i would contend that ‘no problem’ is not even an appropriate response to an apology. i teach my kids to say either, ‘i accept your apology’ or’ i forgive you’ if it is for something that has offended or hurt them. ‘no problem’ only flies for such minor things as if someone accidentally bumps into you.

  2. comment number 2 by: The Zombieslayer

    Lime - Good catch. When I wrote this, I was thinking exactly in that context.

  3. comment number 3 by: Kate

    :lol:

  4. comment number 4 by: The Zombieslayer

    Thanks Kate. :cool:

  5. comment number 5 by: tshsmom

    The misuse of their and there drives me wild too!

    I do have to disagree with “no problem” though. In certain contexts, it’s the perfect thing to say. For example: when I go above and beyond to make a table of customers happy, and they truly appreciate my efforts, “no problem” or “it was my pleasure” work quite well.

  6. comment number 6 by: The Zombieslayer

    Tshsmom - I’d rather hear “it was my pleasure.” The reason I don’t like “no problem” is that “no problem” is the response to an apology.

    Bob steps on Suzy’s foot. “Whoops, sorry Suzy.”

    “No problem, Bob. It didn’t hurt.”

  7. comment number 7 by: Kitem

    I like when you, American guys take care of your language, it’s the one we learn at school, we mostly learn English grammar, through literature, it’s why right now I don’t quite understand spoken English. I also don’t like their and there.
    On another hand your French is deliciously lovely. Thank you for the effort, I truly appreciate.

  8. comment number 8 by: The Zombieslayer

    Kitem - I got it right?
    Awesome! :cool:
    I’m trying to learn it before my trip to France in ‘09.

  9. comment number 9 by: Miladysa

    How about colour, labour, favourite etc.?

    And

    What’s wrong with our food?!

    Only joking! ;]

  10. comment number 10 by: The Zombieslayer

    Miladysa - I have a feeling your people don’t spell as badly as my people. Thus, the lessons.

    However, to us, you spell funny. ;)
    As for your food…

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