The Zombieslayer

Clinton won that debate.  Obama talked politics and avoided several key questions, and one answer flat out pissed me off.

When asked about illegal immigration, Obama said those who said we have a problem with illegal immigration are scapegoating.  Huh? Must be some nice sheltered world you live in, Barack, but in the real world, illegal immigration IS a serious problem.

I wasn’t impressed by Obama’s ideas on the economy nor health care.  He was very vague, sounding just like a trained politician instead of a guy with ideas.

The only thing I liked about Obama was he voted against the war in the beginning and stuck to his guns the whole time.  He didn’t flip flop when the polls said America no longer supports the war, as did most other politicians (except for Obama and Ron Paul, the guy I’ll most likely be supporting).

As a person, I have nothing against him.  He’s just not Presidential material.  He didn’t talk anything about Freedom, he has a bad record on Second Amendment Rights, and I just don’t think he has a good enough understanding of economics to fix the problems this country will face because of the uber-spending Bush administration.

–

On the other side of the fence, can’t stand McCain.  If that guy was running the country, we’d be in even more wars.  I still have to do research on Romney though.  Don’t know enough about him to make an informed decision one way or another.

Here are two of the world’s greatest inventors ever who never got their due. No, I don’t know their names, but maybe they’ll be looking down from Heaven reading my blog and finally get a little bit of R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Know what I’m sayin’?

The first - the guy who invented the noodle. Italians and Chinese will argue until they’re blue in the face who invented the noodle first. The Chinese will say they invented it and Marco Polo brought it back to Italy. The Italians will claim they’ve always had it and Marco Polo just brought back fireworks and the kite. Big deal.

Whatever. Either way, whomever the guy was who invented the noodle gets hats off from yours truly. If I had to say the greatest inventions ever, it would be Penicillin, the wheel, and the noodle in no particular order.

Second, the chick who invented the dropping down toilet roll. You know, you’re at a public stall and you’re just about to run out of T.P. You start to panic, knowing you haven’t finished the job. You pull a little bit more out and BOOM, another roll falls down. You can wipe the sweat off your brow.

Yes, it was a woman who invented that. You know it too. A guy would never think of something like that. So hats off to her.

Doughnuts for Contractors

I’ve been a contractor (as opposed to full-time employee) on more occasions than I would have liked to have been. It’s not fun. You know you’re the first to go if things go south or if jobs get outsourced. Plus, when the expiration date draws near, you can’t concentrate on your work. You have to beef up your resume.

The true thing that sucks about being a contractor though is you don’t get all the perks a regular employee gets. If you see doughnuts laying around, you can’t just take one. Someone might see you. If they do, your contract won’t be renewed and you know it. You’ll have to wait for everyone to go out to lunch and hope there’s one left for you.

I’m a full-time employee now, so I take one with pride, then walk by where the contractors sit with powdered sugar and chocolate all over my face and a boasting smile. I know it pains them. I like to rub it in. “Dang, these are good doughnuts!”

Moral of the story - don’t take a contractor position unless you absolutely have to.

Otherwise called the No Child Left Behind Act which Bush signed early in his first term, this piece of crap legislation insures that we have a bunch of kids bored out of their mind. The more creative the kid, the more bored.

What it is - schools have to pass tests. So the schools simply teach kids to pass these stupid tests instead of a well-rounded education. You want boring, one dimensional kids? Well, support the No Child Gets Ahead.

So, if the school’s test scores aren’t too good, they drop anything interesting. Gone are the music, art, shop, Gifted education, or anything else that actually nourishes the soul. In their places are basics, over and over again, and of course ESL for the children of our illegals who consume $17 billion annually in tax money to educate.*

I was already bored out of my mind in high school. Geez, glad I’m not a young one today. I’d go nuts. Critics of No Child Gets Ahead specifically mention that the kids this dumb ass act hurts the most are the ones with intelligence, you know, the kids that will actually create JOBS in the future. That’s just great for our already bad economy.

We don’t need more tests. We need a well-rounded education. We need school to be interesting, and the last thing kids need are more tests. Heck, ask them.

If I were running this country, I’d immediately repeal this crap. Kids should graduate with ideally knowing all seven continents, all four oceans, at least rudimentary foreign language skills, some musical and/or artistic knowledge, and a blue collar skill. That’s on top of knowing how to read and write and ideally passing one semester of Algebra. Plus, they should know the Bill of Rights, which are Ten Rights, not nine.

–

Source: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

The year is 2500. Mankind has become universally stupid for three reasons:

1) Stupid people breed like rabbits. Smart folk use birth control,
2) Rampant anti-intellectualism,
3) Corporations intentionally dumbing down the populace through deceptive advertizing and manipulation.

Two people from today get stuck in an army experiment gone wrong and are trapped in suspended animation until they’re shockingly reawakened in 2500, only to see an overpopulated world full of garbage, corporate logos, and stupidity. Our heroes from the present time are Joe, a one-hundred IQ army librarian who will turn out to be the world’s smartest person in 2500, and Rita, a prostitute continually on the run from her pimp.

So Joe and Rita are awakened when a giant garbage mound collapses to find a dystopia where people have barcodes stamped on their arms and corporations have complete control. People spend almost every waking hour watching mindless television shows, ones that are so bad they make today’s reality shows look intelligent. The most popular movie is simply called “Ass” where the camera shows a naked rear end close up that every once in awhile farts, sending the moviegoers into hysterics.

Joe finds himself ridiculed because he speaks in complete sentences. Rita finds her job is extremely easy, because men are horny, but without enough attention spans to realize they’re getting screwed out of their money without getting screwed.

I happen to be a big fan of Mike Judge, who directed this movie. He did a great job with both Beavis and Butt-Head Do America and Office Space. This movie, he had all the subtleties that made his other works funny, but with poor execution.

Joe is not likeable. It takes him way too long to figure out what’s going on in the world. Rita isn’t likeable either, spending too much time worrying that her pimp is going to somehow find her even though they’re trapped 500 years in the future.

One bit of credit I will give the movie though is it slams corporate advertizing and actually has the guts to name names. More power to them. But no wonder this movie never made it anywhere - they scared away all potential advertizers. I was seriously hoping it would be good enough for me to hype it, but it’s not. It just falls flat. The concept is brilliant, the script stinks, and the timing and execution aren’t there.

It’s just not funny. Everyone who saw Office Space can quote at least two or three lines, and can identify with at least one of the characters in the movie. In this one, I like neither Joe nor Rita and there are just no memorable lines.

Four dead zombies. Even that’s a stretch, but I got to give them props for having the guts to taint corporate logos. This movie will never make cult classic status.

Bill Mayer annoyed me the other day. He was going on about the same old jokes about country folk. Yes, the same ones we’ve all heard before, how country people screw animals, their relatives, and are all racist. Blah blah blah. I hate Bill Mayer. The whole concept that celebrities have anything interesting to say is stupid. Celebrities should be seen and not heard. If you’re wondering why this country seems to be getting more stupid, well, it’s simply because people could name 100 celebrities, but not ten scientists/engineers/inventors.

Anyways, here’s the joke:

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next one will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.

I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5′6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6′8″ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Dorothy