The Zombieslayer

Undead or Alive 2007. Directed by Glasgow Phillips. Starring Chris Kattan, James Denton, Navi Rawat

Undead or Alive is a “zomedy,” a zombie comedy filmed with a Wild West theme. Navi Rawat plays Geronimo’s niece, and before Geronimo was driven off a cliff, he cursed the white man with the dreaded zombie disease. Of course those who know American history know that Geronimo wasn’t driven off a cliff and died an old man and his autobiography is freely accessable (and well-written I should add).

Chris Kattan takes his usual unfunny self and stinks up the movie, along with James Denton playing the other main cowboy role. All the characters offer nothing but bad dialog and even worse acting. The movie also fails to follow any of the zombie movie rules, like a shot to the head doesn’t kill a zombie, only a decapitation.If you want to see a funny zombie movie, rent Shaun of the Dead. Skip this one at all costs. One dead zombie for at least Navi Rawat being cute. Yes, it was that bad.

Firelight 1997. Directed by William Nicholson. Starring Sophie Marceau and Stephen Dillane.

It’s the 1830s. Sophie Marceau plays Elisabeth, a struggling woman who agrees to bear a child and give it away to a Gentleman in return for a large sum of money. After losing her child, Elisabeth keeps a journal complete with watercolors imagining how her daughter Louisa is growing up.

She decides to search for her daughter and that’s when it really picks up.

I won’t give too much else away, but this may be the best period piece I’ve seen in years. The acting was nearly flawless and the sets and costumes did their jobs splendidly. It’s in fact so well done that it will move you in many directions.Every main character has a struggle to overcome. Several characters are developed, not just Elisabeth. And Marceau can act. She’ll play your heartstrings in ways you haven’t felt in years. I’m actually going to buy this one, it was that good.

9 dead zombies. It’s a shame Nicholson only did this piece, for he definitely has talent.

World War Z, a novel by Max Brooks. 2006

A follow up to the most important book ever written, The Zombie Survival Guide, WWZ (as it’s abbreviated) is a look into the future, after the zombies have been defeated and the world is in a recovery stage. It takes place in the next decade, and is basically a collection of interviews from survivors of the great zombie wars, from all over the world.

Brooks is a master at geopolitics, showing how each nation counters the zombie plague. You’ll see that some were more effective than others. Brooks obviously put a lot of research into this, and it shows in the writing.

The book’s flaw is its lack of flow. It had some humor, but not as much as his first work. I didn’t even read it in one night like I do with most books, for it failed to keep my attention.It’s still a good read, but if you haven’t read his first one, pick that one up first.7 dead zombies

Ozzy Osbourne - Randy Rhoads Tribute by Ozzy Osbourne and Randy Rhoads. Transcribed by Wolf Marshall. 1987

This one is really for musicians. It’s a note-for-note transcription of the Ozzy Osbourne live album Randy Rhoads Tribute. Marshall not only gives you every note played on the album for guitarists and vocalists, he gives you a good biographical summary of the late, great guitarist. Includes some good black and white pictures as well.

If you don’t know who Randy Rhoads is, he was Ozzy’s first guitarist after Ozzy was fired from Black Sabbath. Rhoads unfortunately died prematurely in a plane crash in 1982 and we only have two studio Ozzy Osbourne albums, one live album, one E.P., and two poorly recorded Quiet Riot albums featuring his playing. It really is a shame, not just because a life was cut short, but also because of the amazing talent he possessed. If you’re a guitarist, pick this up. You’d be surprised just how much of an influence Rhoads was on modern electric guitarists.

10 dead zombies . I haven’t been this glad to buy a book in years.

Celebrity prediction - I’m predicting the next celebrity to end up in a loonie bin is one of the Olson Twins. The big question is, which one?