Some VIPs to save when the zombie plague starts
March 8th, 2008For those of you who already have your guns, your water supplies, your food, your fuel, and are sitting around waiting for the plague to start, this post is for you.
Priorities. Besides saving yourself and your loved ones, who else do we save? Don’t worry, we’ll make sure Billy Rae Cyrus and his equally untalented daughter don’t make it. Neither will the Spears nor the Hiltons. Nor would any of the cast of High School Musical. Good riddance, I say.
Now, who do we save? Well, I won’t include people like Brett Favre because I have a strong feeling he and his family will be fine.
Dave Chapelle
I don’t think anyone in the last ten years has made me laugh harder than this man. He could do stand up while we’re sharpening our blades or reloading. Sure, Eddie Murphy’s stand up is better, but Chapelle’s a better writer and funnier all around.
If he comes with Charlie Murphy, an added bonus. I don’t know if Charlie would be hanging with Dave or Eddie when the plague starts though. I guess it’s all up to Fate.
Monica Bellucci
Several hot Italian actresses have battled it out for The Zombieslayer’s favorite, and Monica Bellucci has come out on top. Unlike the others, Bellucci can really act. I know I’m a sucker for a nice body, but Bellucci has both. We’ll see if she can make the transition to comedy in Dave’s routines.
Actually, I don’t think us guys in the audience would care. She could suck but us guys will still watch, especially if she dresses down.
I should actually go to my domain provider and see if savemonicabellucci.com is available and set up a Paypal account to save up money to get Monica a plane ticket to my anti-zombie compound. I’m sure she’ll accept. She knows the plague is starting, and with Italian efficiency, dang right she’d take the offer.
The Mongolian Throat Singers
You all know how much I’m into Tchaikovsky and Brahms. The good thing is they’ve died two centuries ago, and we have plenty of their recordings that will survive long after the human race rebuilds itself after the zombie plague is over.
The bad news is the Mongolian Throat Singers are a tradition taught from generation to generation. If none of them survive the zombie plague, nobody will be able to figure out how to do the amazing things they do with their vocal chords.
Did you know the Mongolian Throat Singers can sing two or even three different notes at the same time? Anyone who can sing more than one note at the same time needs to be saved from the zombies.
So, besides family and close friends, who do you save?
I’d save doctors, scientists, welders, and people who could work with their hands and build stuff.
Kate - Heh. You took this post seriously. It was meant to be humorous.
If I were serious, I’d save my doctor, mine and my wife’s chiropractor, a few good engineers, some scientists, and a classical pianist.
You asked so I answered.
True. :p
Geez I took it seriously too. Remember the Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy-telephone sanitizers, management consultants and…was it politicians?
Oh well.
I liked Kate’s comment for a serious reply. As a nonsensical reply–filmakers, the inventor of pizza, and the entire casts of Saturday Night Live and House. The writers too in the case of House.
I don’t care how funny, or sexy, a person is. They’d better have some practical skills, like shooting, hunting, carpentry, cooking, healing, etc., to earn their keep in the compound! Many “beautiful” people tend to be high maintenance.
That’s so true what Tshsmom said about many “beautiful” people!
I’m definitely not high maintenance.
Me neither, Kate!
Bridget - I only saw the movie. I really need to read that book.
The inventor of pizza? Sounds good, but do you prefer regular pizza or Chicago style?
Tshsmom - No argument here. Last thing we need when the zombies come are high maintenance people. Carpentry and healing would be essential, definitely underappreciated arts, especially when we’ll need them the most.
Kate - She’s wise.
If Monica Belluci’s goin’ to your place, then so am I…
ZS - I hate to break this to you but it is already underway - just look at the politicians of the world and the Spice Girls!
OK… so all our loved ones and the skilled ones are sare - we are speaking of purely ‘entertainment’ value here?
Shaun from Shaun of the Dead - good with a bat.
;-D
Coutney - You a Bellucci fan?
That’s too cool.
Miladysa - The Spice Girls, the world’s politicians, and David Beckham won’t be in my anti-zombie compound. They will be zombie food.
Shaun’s funny, but he won’t do much good in the fight against zombies. But yeah, I like the guy. I haven’t seen his cop movie yet.
save the amish. they have skills we will need.
save hugh jackman, he’s so easy on the eyes.
I have to admit I have no idea but to be honest I cant sing for crapola… LOL.. So saving me wont bring any bands back after this stint in life. LOL..
Let’s just say she’s on my list…
Lime - Amish kick ass. The thing is, I think they’ll be fine during the zombie plague. They’ve taken care of themselves for hundreds of years.
If I could be half as handy and efficient as the Amish, I’d be happy.
Hugh Jackman did come out of nowhere with that Wolverine role. Now all the babes like him.
Tweety - You can make things. That’s more important.
Courtney - Hey, I called dibs already!
Its late but off the top of my head I’d save my kids, brothers, sister, their spouses and kids, and Alex Witt the news babe from MSNBC. Like I said this was just off the top of my head.
My massage therapist, makers of good beer for me, makers of good wine for the Badman (because I’m thoughtful that way).
TFG would be zombie food.
very true but I dont think a Zombie is going to not kill for a blanket.LOL.. OK i get the point and you are absolutely right. I am talented in that area…
Anyone who would do everything so I wouldn’t have to do anything except read and sleep…..oh, yeah…the entire cast of House for my entertainment as well:)….and a case of Dorito’s
ZS, you really should read the Hitchhiker’s Guide series; you’d LOVE it!
I’ve got my food reserves; Terry Pratchett collection for entertainment and I hope the water won’t be polluted or I’ll die like a rat in a sewer. But if the water flows, I’ll be good… I don’t know who’d I save… but my husband might like to donate for Monica Belushi’s plane ticket…
ZS re which type of pizza I prefer–yes
(every single type. Love Chicago style too)
Me, I would save someone who knows the chemical makeup of gunpowder and I would save someone who knows how to brew their own beer.
Oh yeah, I would save Kate Beckinsdale if it meant I had to cut off my…well you get the point…