An additional save list and let perish list
March 12th, 2008This post is a continuation from the previous post. I choose some entertainers, but a few of you chose from a more practical perspective. Well, can’t argue that. We do have to be practical, especially when resources will be limited and good old-fashioned skill sets will be needed.
Save list
A masseuse - Damn right I’m saving a masseuse. You know what it’s like to hold a rifle for eight hours when it’s your job for night duty? After getting your beauty sleep, you automatically get to be the first in line for the masseuse.
Also, a nurse, a dentist, and a carpenter. I don’t think I need to explain why. A plumber would be nice too, especially one who knows septic tanks.
A few more to let die
The person who invented menus on telephones. You know how you call a 1-800 number to get some help and it immediately goes to a menu, then sometimes even a second or third layer of menus? Then the customer service rep asks you the same questions you just answered in the menus. Well, that person who invented menus on telephones must die.
Just imagine, they’re at the door to your compound banging on the intercom. You answer the intercom like this:
You - Hello, and welcome to my anti-zombie compound. For English, press 1. Para español-
Menu inventor - There are no buttons to push! Let me in! The Zombies are coming closer!
You - For Tech Support, press 1. For Sales, press 2. For Service, press 3. For Advertising, press 4. To repeat these options-
Menu inventor - Come on! This isn’t funny! They’re getting closer!
You - I did not get your response. If you need to hear the options again, please press 5. If you need to speak to an Operator, press 0 or remain on the line.
Menu inventor - Aaaaaaaahhhhh!
(Zombies devour Menu inventor)
You know who else deserves to be zombie food? The person who schedules noon meetings. You’ve been at work for over three hours now and you’re starving. Then suddenly you get that flash on your screen. Meeting time.
“Nooooooooo!” Some idiot scheduled a noon meeting. Scratch them from the list of whom to allow in your anti-zombie compound when the plague starts.
To make things worse, your stomach is making noises that people on the other side of the door can hear. It’s not only hurting, but you’re starting to feel weak. Need calories. Now! But you can’t leave because there’s some moron who keeps asking questions and prolonging the meeting. Then it goes into a discussion and just when you think the discussion will end, that same moron turns it in another direction, prolonging the agony by another fifteen painful minutes.
That question person - no admittance. Yes, they’ll be zombie food as well.
Anyone else you want to add to the save list? Anyone else you want to add to the let die list?
ROFLMAO
Can I add the BT Broadband Technical Support Team based in India? The whole lot of them.
BT: You have no broadband? There must be a problem with you router.
M: The router is OK - the line is the problem.
BT: What router are your using?
M: The router is OK
BT: Please switch off your router for five minutes and then switch it back on. If you still have the problem you will need to speak with the manufacturer.
M: The router is OK… I have a problem with the line
BT: What router are you using
M: LOOK! I checked the router BEFORE I called you. I have a problem with the line.
BT: No your line is working OK
M: Have you tested it?
BT: NO but it is working OK must be your router that is the problem
M: Please check the line
Twenty minutes later
BT: You have a fault on your line… have you checked your router?
Zombie meat!!!!
Miladysa - Not just broadband tech support, all their tech support.
“Is your computer on?”
Those people drive me crazy!
Anyone who comes to your door and tries to get you to join their religion should be zombie meat.
Lets see here. Anyone that has denied us credit in the last year because now our credit is back on track.. LOL.. We have been real good since we bought the house.
the masseuse is an excellent addition.
in addition to phone menu developers i’d add the inventor of telemarketing AND the person who decided that political candidates ought to be able to call your home with AUTOMATED messages.
I’d say anyone that schedules meetings at all, but then I’d be eaten by zombies.
How about the person that always has to get off track in a meetings?
I cannot argue with your choices.
I miss stopping by more often. I’m lucky now when I get the chance. Hope all is well!
Where I work lunchtime is 11:00, as a lot of us start at 6:00, and yes, we would all add people who schedule meetings during lunch - also, people who schedule 5:00 p.m. meetings or Friday meetings after 3:00 p.m.
People who snort instead of blowing their nose shall be zombie meat. People who clip their toenails at work.
Skeletor - Have you seen the movie Orgasmo? One of the funniest opening scenes.
Tweetey - Heh. I definitely sympathize there. Also, anyone who lowered our credit with a letter that says they don’t trust us too.
Lime - Ah yes. Nothing more annoying than telemarketers at the most inappropriate times. And unfortunately when you register with a particular party, your name and number appear on that party list.
Just - Yes. We had an 11 o’clock meeting yesterday that wouldn’t end because it’s always the same 2 guys who love to hear their own voices in meetings. Each one of them adds an extra 10 minutes to the meeting, and sometimes more.
Notta - All is well. Thanks. Hope all is well there too.
Kathleen - People who schedule Friday meetings after 3 are the worst. They definitely need to be zombie food. And yes, we had one guy who would snort really loudly. No exaggeration, but not one, but two people moved away from his cube because they were grossed out by the snorting. Luckily for me, never knew anyone who clipped their toenails at work. Yuck!
This isn’t on topic, but: I just finished the first disc of Cowboy Bebop the other night, and I like it. It makes me think of what would happen if Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez and Joss Whedon got together and made a cartoon. The dialog could use a little of their influence, but it was all-around enjoyable.
Courtney - I’ll have to check it out. They have it at the local library, but I’ll be at parties all weekend. Maybe next weekend. Of course, like Tarantino, Rodriguez and Whedon.
Oooh don’t get me started with people who schedule meetings during my lunch time… Or breakfast time for that matter. In this respect,I will happily see to it, that all my customers must be fed to the zombies and I’ll make sure it is a slow painful and scary end; to the exception of one who I might actually save because she’ll be great fun to have around until the plague ends.
Oh good one about the telephone menu…I hate the voice on the other end who’s says, “Did you say,”Whatever”? Or “Whatever,” is that right?
I say we add to your list, Reality tv shows, and people who get in the passing lane of traffic and do 40 mi an hour.
I’ll just keep my old ones.
The ones I’d let die are the ones who make those applications that you fill out over the computer, and it goes into a loop. You go to save it, and it doesn’t save. You have to start all over again.
Can I add another one?
Well a whole bunch of people.
Journalists and news readers who try to sensationalise something that is just not news!
Zombie meat!
ZS thanks for the chance to input!
Idiots who schedule meetings on Friday afternoons, or anywhere near 4:00 or earlier than 9:)0 on any day.
Rogers Cable company telemarketers. In fact, any telemarketer. Could we double hit (kill twice) telemarketers who don’t speak English but call you anyway?
Like MIladysa suggested, ‘journalists’ who focus on or have ever written about the Mulroney family (a Canadian curse), Britney, any Osmond, and especially Tom Cruise and family. UGH!
All mean or abusive/aggressive managers (to be determined by their staffs)
p.s. that was a list of zombie food items/folk, of course!
Those telemarketers who call at 9 p.m., rude customers, people who crack gum, and the people who have the bass cranked up in their cars so loudly at the red light that it not only shakes their car but YOUR car as well. Oh, yeah, bosses who expect you to have your work radio on at 6 a.m. (just in case) but who don’t want to start paying you until 8 a.m. and then they don’t come in until 10 a.m.——— Chum for Zombies, the lot of ‘em.
ZS
i just put up an Obama post
you might want to opine
Sage - I’ll drop by…
Sprinkle - People who crack gum in theaters or classical concert halls, definitely. And as for the bass people, it’s too bad they don’t go deaf sooner.
As for telemarketers, do this - when they call, tell them that the person they’re asking for will be there in just a second (even if it’s you, because they don’t know it’s really you). Then put the phone down. A minute later, pick it up and say “it will be another minute, they’re outside” and put it down again. Do this several times and see how long they stay on. If they’re going to waste your time, waste theirs.
Bridget - Read what I wrote to Sprinkle about telemarketers. And if I were running this country, 4 pm Friday meetings would be against the law. At 4 pm on Friday, we should be deciding which beer/mixed drink we’re going to indulge in.
Miladysa - Unfortunately, the sensationalism does a lot of damage to the country. It has succeeded in making people scared of each other, when in fact, well over 90% of people are good human beings.
Kate - I call that Microsofting.
Moni - I should do a separate post on drivers who drive me nuts.
Helen - I hate early morning meetings. Luckily, my boss does too, so we don’t have them.
Die list….the inventer of speedos, the entire population of Washington D.C. while Congress is in session
Sorry about the blank e-mails. I just noticed you havent updated your blog in a couple of weeks. Just making sure you guys are ok.. Tweets
Hmmm. How about Jersey drivers? Well I guess that would come under the heading of bad drivers in general.
Kidding…not all are bad drivers, just most of them, lol