Vague
May 2nd, 2008So, Kathleen, you want me to predict the future? You’re on.
I’m a fortune-teller. You just handed me $25 and I’m telling you your future.
“I see a change.”
Well, of course there’s a change because everyone’s life changes.
“Someone you care about will be really sick.”
One strategy of going about it. You rope them in with this one. The thing is, the older the person is, the more likely this is to be true. My Grandfather died recently, I lost one co-worker to cancer a few months ago, and personally know several folks who recently went through Chemo. The older you get, the more people you know who are in bad health.
“Now is not the time to look for a new job.”
Well, no shit, Sherlock. It doesn’t take a fortune-teller to tell you that the economy sucks right now. When the economy picks up, you tell them that they’ll have opportunities, but it’s their job to cease the day or else they won’t get that chance again. Either way, the fortune-teller wins. If they fall flat on their face, the blame goes on the customer, not the fortune-teller. And if they get that job, well, that fortune-teller was damn good.
“Oooo, I see trouble in your relationship. Tough times ahead. It may or may not work itself out.”
Hook, line, and sinker. Keep it open ended. All relationships have problems. This is as vague as it gets, but no matter which way it goes, the fortune-teller is right.
I could go on and on telling your fortune, but I didn’t want to do this post. The post I really wanted to do, was this one…
Zombiesladamus predicts the world’s future
Picking individual people is too easy. Predicting world events is so much more fun. All those great prophesiers, sages, wizards, or whatever, it’s all a load of bull. You simply take history and let it repeat. It’s so easy. And the more vague you are, the more chance you are to be right. Keep it open to interpretation, and never put a time stamp on it.
Most of the stuff I predict though will happen within the next 500 years. And people 500 years from now can look back at this post and say the Great Zombiesladamus knew the future.
There will be a Great War in the Middle East.
This one tops the “no shit, Sherlock” list. There will always be fighting in the Middle East. Those people will fight over anything. I’m just surprised they haven’t had a war over Coke vs Pepsi yet. That’s probably coming though.
I see people dying in floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes.
I hear this crap from Bible prophets who want your money who say the end is coming because this all is happening. You know what? There will always be floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes. There have been natural disasters since history began and there will always be natural disasters. It does not mean the end of the world. Hate to burst your bubble.
A good man will die by the hands of an evil man.
Heh. This one’s too easy. How many times did it happen last century?
The tiger and the eagle will become one.
What does this mean? Well, it could mean anything. Whatever it means, guarantee it happens within 500 years from now.
But the cobra will STRIKE the bear.
Got to use a little emphasis. It looks cool. If this one doesn’t happen, no one will mention it. When you prophesize, they only mention the ones you got right.
Water. Water, nowhere to be seen.
You think this current oil war sucks, just wait until certain countries run out of groundwater. Will happen in your children’s’ life times.
The knot must be tied or else there will be no peace.
Huh? Whatever that means. Funny thing is someone will interpret it to mean something. Just watch.
They will mourn for her death for years and years to come.
There will always be a charismatic woman that everyone can’t help loving. Evita Peron, Mother Teresa, Princess Di, Condoleeza Rice. Just kidding about that last one.
And even the greatest of wealths meant nothing to the one in red.
Once again, keep it vague. It will mean something sometime in the future.
Her voice, that angelic voice, won over the hearts of those at war and gave us peace.
Ok. May or may not happen, but so far, I’ve had so many guarantees that if this happens, I’ll give Nostradamus a good run for his money.
And he failed to heed the oracle and paid deeply.
Some loonie toon out there will warn someone not to do something and that person will still do it and die. Happens all the time. But this time, it will be a big world leader. Maybe someone will tell him not to get on a plane and he does and it crashes. Or they’ll tell some President not to make a speech but she doesn’t listen and gets assassinated. Whatever the case, it will happen, because it’s happened many times before and I have 500 years to be right.
Well, there you go. Add your own if you want. Just remember, the more vague, the more chance you are to be right. Plus, it helps to know both history and current events. Humans are predictable. They tend to do the same stupid stuff over and over again. Knowing that, you too can predict the future.
i wanna know why all the symbolic animals are tigers and eagles and such. just once i wanna hear something like….the wombat will smash the kinkajou.
Got 2 presidents that did it all over again, the couple of things you said about war.
damn dude you mean those guys on TV are nsake oil salesmen?
The planet will get hotter and colder too!
Whoooaaa, spooky! It’s like you’re living in the future!!
I predict that people will get sick of gloomy doomy predictions and just kick back to watch some Spongebob for a while. Also, the wombat WILL smash the kinkajou.
You’re GOOD! *giggle*
I noticed that the only concrete prediction you made was about water. That’s a big “No shit, Sherlock!” It’s already happening in many areas of the world. The only solution is to curb our population growth, but does humanity listen? NOPE!
Lime - I don’t even know what a kinkajou is. Maybe it’s because these prophesiers are no biologists so they pick the only animals they know.
Kate - Well, a President knowing history? That would be a first.
Sage - Yes, they’re all snake oil salesmen. And in the Middle Ages, wasn’t there a year without summer? I guess that may happen again.
SME - When I was laid off, I caught a lot of Spongebob. Great show.
Tshsmom - The thing is, it’s already too late in some parts of the world.
I watched a show when I was a teenager on Nostradamus, and is predictions were all disguised in symbols that you could easily adapt to events. World War III would be started by a man in a purple turban. I remember that one clearly. That might be, but I wonder if Nostradamus predicted that his strings were being pulled by a man who mispronounces “nuclear.”
*curtsies to the great Zombiesladamus*
Whow - I am amazed by your superhuman powers! *wink*
Nostradamus predicted that ‘England’ would have a muslim parliament… not so far fetched today.
For entertainment I still dig a good Nostradamus or end-of-the-world prophecy show like they show on History or Discovery channel every now and then. As far as believing it I don’t but I actually find the people on those show who do far more creepy. Slayer, would you be offended if I took the Scientific American article you wrote about in your last post and do one of my own?
Interesting and entertaining, kind of the way I feel about 2012, you know the end of the Mayan calander. Lots of crazy shit has been written about that and how it will be the end of the world or were going to “awaken” as a species (whatever the fuck that means). I take it you have probably heard the same BS somewhere along the line ZS, these are probably the same people who thought 2000 was going to be the end of the world, made a killing and nothing happened. I bet their banking on the same thing 12 years later. What are your opinions on either the predictors of doom or their believers ZS?
Niiiiice.
Tagged you at my place, ZS!!!!
On your Coke vs Pepsi war - did you hear about the Yankee fan who got so angry at two Red Sox fans that she got in her car and drove straight at them? She killed one and put the other in the hospital. Nice, eh?
Kathleen - Yeah. She’ll be charged probably with 2nd degree murder. That’s just crazy.
Bridget - Dropped by.
Ben - They’re crazy. That’s what I believe.
Beach - Oh yeah. For entertainment value, I’ll check them out. And definitely go ahead and use that piece. The more people who do, the better.
Miladysa - Yes, you can predict migrations of peoples too. As he did, successfully.
Scott - That’s the thing. Keep them so open to interpretation that they’ll be correct. That’s what I did with my predictions.