NOBODY likes all kinds of music
September 19th, 2008Fellow Pretentious Critic writer Badman and I have one of the same pet peeves. We both hate it when someone says they like all kinds of music.
NO YOU DON’T. You do not like all kinds of music. Nobody does. No one who ever lived likes all kinds of music.
People who say this are either:
a) Lazy nimrods,
b) Too chickenshit too offend anyone so they try to appease everyone by saying they like all kinds of music,
c) or both a and b.
I know what I like. I like Metal, except I absolutely loathe NuMetal or any other of that whiny shite that they try to pass off as Metal. I also don’t like Grindcore or any other type of noise metal with no purpose.
I also like the Romantic Era of Classical Music. Baroque and everything before and everything after I could do without. Yes, that means Bach, Mozart, and Vivaldi, three favorites of a lot of people. I can’t stand any of them.
If you want to listen to great Classical, pick up Tchaikovsky, Brahms, or Beethoven. There are a lot more Classical composers from the Romantic Era I like, but those are my three favorites.
I also hate rap, country, smooth jazz, top 40, boy bands, the Eagles, the Beatles, Aerosmith, Dave Matthews, Boston, Nirvana, Oasis, Jessica Simpson, her even more untalented sister (didn’t think that was possible at first), James Blunt, Fergie, or any other of that American Idol raw sewage they try to force feed down our throats.
Narrow minded? Damn straight. I know what I like. If your tastes differ, GREAT. More power to you. I don’t want you and I to have the same taste. It’s our differences that make us interesting. If you’re just like me, that would bore the heck out of me.
The thing is, I can enjoy other types of music if they’re done right. Goth, Celtic, Bluegrass, old school Americana, even live jazz I can enjoy if the musicians are really into what they’re doing. I’ve been known to go to dance clubs too, chilling to anything from Industrial to Techno to House, if you have the right people to go with. I don’t really dance, just enjoy a good cocktail, people watch, and hang.
But back to my main point - NOBODY likes all kinds of music. If anyone makes that claim that they like all types of music, immediately respond with the following:
They are to name five solo artists or bands they like in each category. If they fail, denounce them as liars and forbid them from your anti-zombie compound. Yes, the punishment is death by zombies.
01) Black Metal. They say they like all types of music. Let’s see them name five Black Metal bands they like.
02) Country. Let’s go the other extreme. Name five country bands they like.
03) Nazi Punk. Yes. They said all types of music. I personally hate Nazis, but know there are at least one hundred Nazi Punk bands in the world so make ‘em give you five Nazi Punk bands.
Now you see I already exposed them as liars, but let’s keep this going just to rub it in.
04) Christian Gospel. Let’s go another extreme. We have Black Metal which is often Satanic. Not only are many Black Metal bands Satanic, some have been known to burn churches and have even spent time in jail for murder. Now on the opposite end of the spectrum, we have Christian Gospel. Five Christian Gospel bands they like. That’s all they have to name. Should be easy for these uber-open-minded fools.
05) Hellbilly. Here’s another extreme. No, not just plain Cowpunk, but Hellbilly. It’s a little bit more, well, a lot more hardcore than just Cowpunk. Five bands. I’m waiting.
06) Gangsta Rap - Where Hellbilly may be a reaction against pretentious city buttholes, let’s twist it entirely around and go inner city, deep in the inner cities, straight up Compton. Even better if at least one band member spent time in the pokie. Five Gangsta Rap artists. Make them name their favorite five (preferably while staring down the barrel of your Glock 9mm, held gangsta-style).
07) Polka - Get the beer flowing, the lederhosen on, and whip out the old accordion. They’re so freaking open minded. Make ‘em give you their top five polka acts. No, make ‘em put away their laptop. No cheating. If they fail to give you five, stick das boot as far up their open minded ass as it will go.
08) Straight Edge Punk - That’s right, folks. Since you cannot possibly listen to Polka sober, you cannot possibly listen to Straight Edge Punk drunk, because Straight Edge is against drinking. But no fair, they say? No, they screwed up. They’re the one who said they like all kinds of music. Polka and Straight Edge cancel each other out. So what is it? Do they like Polka or do they like Straight Edge Punk? One cannot possibly like both. My trump card. They lose. So much for them being open minded.
09) Disco - Heh. Just had to throw that in there. I’ve already proved my point, so now just putting up a #9 and #10. “Macho Macho Ma-han. I wanna be a Macho Man.” Open minded my macho ass.
10) Smooth Jazz. I hate smooth jazz. My version of Hell would be nothing but The View and American Idol on the idiot box with smooth jazz playing constantly everywhere you go.
So that’s the quiz. Give them a chance to repent and admit they’re wrong. If they don’t repent, deny them entry into your compound. When the zombies come, they’ll need some fools to feed on. In the meantime, blast your boombox to your favorite jams to drown out their screaming. Gloria Gaynor? Excellent choice. I’ll sing along with you for old times sake.
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
’cause you’re not welcome anymore
weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I’d crumble
you think I’d lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
–
Have a great weekend, everyone. I’m going to be gone all weekend but I’ll try to swing by next week. Until then, keep practicing your headshots to the beat of YOUR favorite drummer.
i am so relieved to tell you my answer is often, “i have very eclectic tastes.” holy cow you listed genres and sub genres i have never even heard of. nazi punk? hellbilly? i had no idea.
ok, here’s another weird twist. certain types of music i can only really listen to live and i truly enjoy them that way but i’d never buy a CD or download a piece. like pipe organ music. man, anyone who likes rock because it makes their chest thump…go into a cathedral and listen to an organist crank out some wild organ music. i think that stuff had to be the rock of its day. it’s awesome. would i put it on my ipod? nope. same with bluegrass. i can really enjoy sitting in front of a group of live musicians. it just seems to organic to put it on a recording to me.
Heehee. You got a huge giggle out of me this morning!
I’m the opposite. I say I hate a specific genre, then my family will point out a single song that I like in that genre…except POLKA. I LOATHE polka, and accordions set my teeth to grinding.
You’re also right-on about poorly done music. I love Celtic music, IF it’s done right. There’s nothing worse than Celtic wannabe bands!
I love music, but I’m very selective, and most of the “you gotta listen to this” doesn’t do anything for me. In fact, I’m proud to say I hate most types of music, especially boy bands, emo, Christian, country, techno, or anything that would excite a hippie or a Rolling Stone critic. But rock done right or classical set to a battle scene is damn near Scripture. The bands that I really like have become the soundtrack to my life.
People who say “I like all kinds of music” just like whatever’s popular and have no concept of what an album is.
What also bugs is people who know exactly what music they like, buy the albums, but only listen to the hits. I have a friend who has “Appetite for Destruction,” and the only songs he knows are “Welcome to the Jungle,” “Paradise City,” and “Sweet Child O’Mine.” That’s like going to the Playboy Mansion with broken glasses.
Skeletor, I beg to differ… Your buggedness about your friend who listens to what he likes is just the ‘You gotta like ALL kinds of music’ PC nut-hood done small. Maybe I should just let ZS to point that out \-> He’s a bit more articulate than this little black duck.
How many non words can I jam into one sentence? Coming soon to a station near you.
I will tell anyone who asks that I hate country music. And I do. But, I like one or two country songs. Does that make me a fan? Does that mean that I don’t still greatly dislike the genre? No. I can still say I hate country music with my head held high.
well that’s what i tell people… that i can listen to anything xcept for gangsta rap, country and all the above u’ve mentioned.
These days i’ve been listening to some old stuff that i use to listen to… its awesome to know that i still love those misic….ah! i had good taste then
my fav band….. incubus!! i just love them.
I like BOTH kinds… Country and Western…
What I say a lot is I like everything except Country, Gangsta Rap, and Opera. But I guess I’ll have to ammend that to exclude Nazi Punk and Oompa Music as well…
LOL Laura!! That’s L’s favorite line from Blues Brothers!
I’d never sit through a whole opera, but there are a couple of selections I’ve liked from a couple of operas.
You raise interesting points, ZS: I can’t even acknowledge as music, most of the noise I hear blaring from the ‘wireless’.
We like what we know, and largely what we have listened to a lot of (forced or otherwise.. thinking back to my youth when my parents records were ‘those that played the most’).
But I grew up an American Girl, and sitar music (and other eastern music) sounds like cats fighting - and what’s more even this girl of the 60’s will admit that it always has. Ravi Shankar? I guess he’s OK, but he should tune that thing! But I have friends who love it, and they aren’t faking it either.
As to banjo, it is what I play (I hear groans, or “I’m not surprised”) and it is what I can’t resist.
Hey there… I can name three Country singers that are my favorite but probably not many more than that.. Tanya Tucker, Alambama, and Garth Brooks. We have loads of music and some of its what you mentioned and some of its not. I think we have the first classical with the T name. I am not very good with names. I mean I even have the Partridge Family CD. LOL.. Jeff cant stand it but I like it. I like country he cant stand it. Some people wonder how we mingle. but I like other stuff too.
Dear God, is there anything worse than smooth jazz? I’m afraid that I can’t even listen to regular jazz, however, even live (unless it’s Tony Bennett or that type of jazz). Fusion jazz makes me want to shoot people - or rather any type of jazz that insists on showcasing the saxophone. I know it’s not cool to admit that, but there ya go.
I actually quite like opera, but agree with you, to a degree, on baroque. I can handle it a little bit at a time (Vivaldi’s oboe concerto is quite nice), but I went to an entire concert of baroque with the DSO a few years back and I was pretty much done for a couple of years.
Kathleen - that is a great quote - can I use it?
“Fusion jazz makes me want to shoot people”. Pretty much sums it up.
Kate: I’m with you on Jazz. I like big band Jazz, but the free-form stuff just sounds like noise to me.
While I can’t say I like all music, I have an extremely wide array of music that I listen too.. it generally depends on mood and what I am doing.
But what is more annoying is the 10,357 different genres that people seem to create. Personally so much music today crosses the genre lines added to the notion that there is an exploding number of different ways to classify music that I say, screw it and say I prefer a wide range of music overall.
I listen to Saturday morning polka occasionally here on a local station in northern Wisconsin turn around throw on a Miles Davis album for a while, hit the country station while getting ready for the Badger game and crank up some metal on the way to a friends house before the game… enuff said. lol.
Lime - Never heard live pipe organ music. It’s cool in movies though.
Bluegrass live is fun. I actually will listen to bluegrass radio when I used to play video games.
Tshsmom - There’s a car down the street with a bumper sticker that says “Play the Accordion - Go to Jail. It’s the Law.”
Skeletor - I hate Rolling Stone magazine. That magazine is everything wrong with the world, and nobody associated with it in any way will be welcome in my compound when the plague starts.
Wallflower - I actually agree with his second paragraph. When I was in the dorms, drove me nuts that the stupid people would play only the hits over and over again instead of listening to an entire album.
Courtney - I do too. Had a friend who said that country is “the Special Olympics of music.” Great quote.
Tchoden - I must be getting old. Don’t even know Incubus.
Laura - I like Puccini and Mascagni. So there’s even some opera I like. I like Wagner’s overtures, but past that, I’d go to sleep.
Tshsmom - My favorite line from that flick:
Illinois Nazis? I hate Illinois Nazis.
Wallflower - I hate the zitar, and any of that Indian “music,” but I especially hate their movies. That crap that they put out from Bollywood is the absolute worst garbage I’ve ever seen.
Tweety - Tchaikovsky? Yes. My absolute favorite of all-time. No offense, but can’t stand Country, although love the songs Ghost Riders in the Sky and The Devil Went to Georgia. I also like Hellbilly/Psychobilly, which is Heavy Country.
Kathleen - No. Smooth Jazz came directly from Satan and was meant to turn people into zombies. I like some opera too, especially Puccini and Mascagni, although I’m far from the resident expert at Opera.
Wallflower - Heh. ‘Twas a great quote.
Laura - I can stomach Swing/Ska, like Cherry Poppin’ Daddies, Blue Beat Stompers, and Squirrel Nut Zippers.
Pack - You actually commented.
I defend Polka as something to listen to when you’ve had six or seven real beers. It starts sounding really good when you see women in lederhosen dancing to it.
The reason for genres is to classify. Humans like to classify everything.
Yeah.. I figured you needed a little Green and Gold here.
Actually I fit into the lazy nimrod that is over polite.. lol.
Pack - That’s funny. Not me. I’m kind of a jerk when it comes to musical tastes.
Oh, btw, Zero came by here. Didn’t leave a comment but I was surprised he came by.
I like a little of this and a little of that.
Wallflower - Of course. You don’t even need to attribute to me. Take it for your own.
Funny, I have over 450 cd’s and all I listen to any more is Rush, Dream Theater, Anything by Blackmore, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and Stevie Ray Vaughan. Got tons of Aerosmith, ZZ Top, Neil Young, etc etc. But I don’t listen to none of it anymore. Maybe I am going through a phase, but it sure as hell has been a long one…
Now it is time to go back and start kicking some more political ass.
Messing around on here while my parents are watching Red Dragon in the living room…
Good thing I never said I like “all kinds of music…”, I just say I like whatever I hear that doesn’t sound like shit. But that’s usually a lot of things, I’m pretty tolerant I guess.
NAME 50 METAL BANDS FROM EACH SUBGENRE, I MEAN IT SHOULDN’T BE TOO HARD CONSIDERING THERE ARE OVER 60,000 METAL BANDS IN EXISTENCE. DO IT OR YOU’RE NOT TR00 KVLT.
I’m bored so I’ll namedrop some bands to appear pretentious or something… (I don’t necessarily listen to them all)
Black: Carpathian Forest, …aaaarggghh…, Taake, Sorhin, Endless Dismal Moan, Wraithian
Death: Point Blank Rage, Blood Red Throne, Krisiun, Decapitated, Enforsaken, Akercocke
Doom/Stoner: Electric Wizard, Zoroaster, Weedeater, Om, YOB, Sleep
Power: Lost Horizon, HammerFall, Blind Guardian, Galneryus, Versailles, The Lord Weird Slough Feg (?), Firewind
Folk: Equilibrium, Eluveitie, Ensiferum, Finntroll, Wintersun (kind of), Agalloch, Lord Wolf
Thrash: Gama Bomb, Heathen, Evile, Warbringer, Dark Angel, Ghoul (slightly)
Heavy/NWOBHM: Manilla Road, Saxon, Diamond Head, The Rods, Cloven Hoof
Progressive: Pagan’s Mind, Opeth (a bit), Dream Theater, Symphony X, Blotted Science, Spastic Ink
Can’t do symphonic metal really, nor gothic or industrial/electronic metal… or metal/deathcore, but there’s a reason for not doing the -core… okay this is too long, need to put clothes away, lol.
Zombie,
Sorry about the rant my son left. I told him to go get his clothes and put them away, then during a commercial I come in her and he is writing a damn book on metal genre on your blog. Long winded peckerhead never talks that much to me about anything.
This is bad. Of all those bands, I only have four albums of Opeth and one of Hammerfall. That’s it. Oh, forgot, I have one Diamondhead.