The Zombieslayer

Don’t open this up at work.  From the Onion.

Advocacy Group Decries PETA’s Inhumane Treatment Of Women

A post by Raemius.

Overpopulation is going to be a serious problem in the future. You will see resource wars, as they’ve already begun. The other thing Raemius brings up is the possibility of cannibalism. Unfortunately, it has happened many times in history during famines.

Anyways, I’d rather you read his piece so I won’t say anything more.

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I always do tags, but usually don’t tag anyone specifically.  This time, Xmichra tagged me.  I actually like this tag.

Somewhere in a faraway bloggiverse on an island with a palm tree swaying in the breeze, a message bottle sits side by side with a Pina Colada and a cute little striped umbrella horizontally tilted in the beachy sand.
Did YOUR bottle make it to land? Have you checked lately?

There are now 285 bottles floating in the bloggy ocean just waiting to be mysteriously delivered to a tropical island near you. It’s time you added yours!

Here are the rules:
You are about to send a virtual Message In a Bottle across the Blog Ocean.
Leave a message in the sand or on the bottle. Write anything you wish. Be a pirate or a poet. Serious or silly. Rant or ruminate.
Anonymous or not.
What message would you like to send out to the universe?

OK, here’s mine:
Do you remember that song in the mid-90s by TLC called “Waterfalls?” It went something like:
“Don’t go chasing waterfalls,
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.”

I liked the song, but completely disagreed with it. I’ve always believed to leave your element, to chase waterfalls, and try to catch the rainbow. If you don’t, in your old age, you will die with regrets.

I am a hopeless romantic and I have no problem saying it. I believe in chasing your dreams. I think the song I really liked was from the 20s and there were two lines that said “if you don’t have a dream, how are you gonna make your dreams come true?”

Exactly. You got to chase your dreams.

Now, I was making fun of world peace in an earlier post, but that’s not a dream, that’s an absurdity. NOBODY can accomplish that. You might as well try to move Mt. Everest with a shovel. I’m talking about doing what you REALLY want to do in life, not what your parents, your minister, your brother, your sister, your drunk uncle, or your worst enemy wants you to do.

I hear parents all the time tell their children which college they have to go to, which major they have to major in, etc. That’s stupid. You get one shot at being you and you should make the choices, not your parents. Not someone else, period.

If you don’t, you will die with regrets. It’s as simple as that. You are better off giving it an honest shot and failing than wondering what if.

Anyone who wants to take this tag, feel free. Just let me know you took it and I’ll drop by.

After writing a few doomsday pieces on overpopulation, I was thinking I need to mention some stuff I like.

The Slow Food movement. Although not a formal member, I follow a lot of the philosophy of it. Eat organic, heirloom foods. Eat traditional and local food. Don’t eat fast food.

Walking everywhere. If it’s not raining or snowing, why drive to the supermarket if you can walk there? I have no problem walking home carrying a gallon of milk in one hand and a bag of groceries in the other. Neither does my wife or my son. There’s a reason we’re in good shape, and it has nothing to do with genetics and everything to do with our attitudes about wasting resources.

Donald Driver, Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Kampman, and Charles Woodson - my favorite Packers. Driver because of his commitment to excellence (no, the Raiders can’t use that any more because they’re a joke and it has become just as stupid as certain corporate slogans). Rodgers because he has been humble through the whole Brett Favre thing and proved it with his abilities instead of his mouth. Kampman because he simply works harder than anyone else. And Woodson because he’s like Deion Sanders but without the ego. Yes, I still root for Favre to succeed, unless he’s playing the Packers.*

Nightwish and Opeth - the two most talented bands out there today. Both from Scandinavia (by the four country, not three country definition). I’m thinking when it comes to music right now, Scandinavia is where it’s at. Most of my fave bands now are from there.

I’m currently reading Watership Down. Loved the movie. Now finally bought the book.

Our apartment.  We live downtown so we can walk everywhere.  I religiously go to the Farmers’ Market every Sunday morning and stock up on fruits and veggies.  Instead of centering the food around meat, it’s pretty even now.

One of the things I’m really loving are heirloom tomatoes.  I love slicing them up and salting the slices.  Very few things taste better than fresh heirloom tomatoes and salt.

We even go vegetarian one or two days a week.  With apartment living, our costs are way down.  Meat is expensive and cutting it out one or two days a week saves a lot.  Plus, we have yet to break $50 for our electric bill.  Yet another thing to love about living in a small apartment instead of a big house.

So tell me, what are you liking now?

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* I got money on both the Packers and the Vikings to win it all.

People complain about Favre being a prima donna. So what? So was General Patton, one of my other heroes. As a Sound Engineer (recording only), I’ve worked with musicians who never even released a CD and still had bigger egos than Brett Favre.

Prima donnas and divas don’t bother me as long as they treat me with respect. If they don’t, I simply refuse to work with them.

Anyone remember two football players named Jim Brown and Franco Harris? Yes, this was years ago, but if you’ve followed football for awhile, Jim Brown used to have the rushing title and some fans thought it will never be broken.

Well, Franco Harris comes along and gets really close.  Jim Brown goes in front of the TV camera and announces that if Harris breaks his record, Brown will make a comeback, despite being in his 40s (which pretty much never happens as a Running Back).

A bit more recently, there was Dan Marino, one of the greatest NFL players never to wear a Super Bowl ring (in the Super Bowl era).  Marino had almost every record in the books - most TDs,  most Yards, most Attempts, most Completions.  That is, until Brett Favre came along and broke all of them.

Before Favre broke them, Marino joked to the TV camera to at least let him keep one record as you (Brett Favre) at least have a Super Bowl ring.  The thing is, was he really joking? I didn’t think so either.

Sports players generally like their records.  With the exception of Wallie Payton who had the rushing title at one point, but he cared more about his team winning the big one.  That was the type of person Wallie was though, a man who while dying of liver disease got a possible transplant and rejected it because he felt he only got the liver because he was a famous and loved celebrity.  He died shortly after that.

Brett Favre says he doesn’t care about those records.  I call BS.  And I’ll tell you the four records he cares about most - longest starting streak for a QB, which he’ll probably die having, most TDs, most Yards, and most Wins.

Let’s now look at reality.  There’s this guy named Peyton Manning who throws the football pretty dang well.  Unlike Favre, Manning had the luxury of playing for the same team his entire career, playing in back of a solid Offensive Line his entire career, and up until recently, having a Hall of Famer (possibly the best possession Wide Receiver to EVER play the game) as his primary receiver.

So Manning has numbers.  Big ones.  In fact, numbers so big that they threaten Favre’s records.

So Favre had to come back.  The longer he plays, the more he pads those magical numbers.  Manning has 117 wins.  Favre has 169.  One more year and Manning collapses before eclipsing that record.

Favre threw 464 TDs.  Manning 333.  The thing is, Manning throws a lot of TDs every year and at this rate, Manning would break that record in five years.  One more year, Manning may break his back first.

Favre threw for 65127 yards.  Manning 45628.  Keep in mind Manning is seven years younger than Favre.  Favre may have to play two more years to keep this one out of reach.

As for consecutive starts, nobody will break that one in Favre’s lifetime.  That’s one of four.

Two more years, and nobody breaks the other three.

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I knew all along Favre was coming back to the Vikings. I said it in early July, and put my money where my mouth is. I put money on both the Packers and the Vikings to win the Super Bowl. The Packers because they’re my favorite team, the Vikings because they’ve completed the puzzle.  Even when Favre said he was not going to come out of retirement, I knew he was.  Those records are in the back of his mind, and he’s not getting any younger.  I had no doubt my money was safe.

No, Brett Favre is no longer an elite QB. However, he’s a HUGE upgrade over what they had. The Vikings have the best player in the NFL today with Adrian Peterson, plus a dominant Defensive Line. Opposing teams simply load the box against the Vikings and do everything they can to stop Adrian Peterson because they know the Vikings’ QBs are jokes. Now that Favre is on the team, they stick 8 men in the box and Favre will burn them, especially with Berrian who’s a speedster.

Image from http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:BrettFavre.jpg

OK, you’ve already heard me say this rant but it must be said again and the reason it must be said again - it’s proof of creeping communism.  I’ll explain…

The next generation are pansies.  We already agree on this.  They’re out of shape, sit around, watch tv, and play video games all day, and think they’re entitled to shit they didn’t work for just because they have low self-esteem.  They’re also hypersensitive so you have to be careful what you say around them or else they’ll get all butt hurt.

Perfect example - the correct way to reply to “thank you” is “you’re welcome.”  It is NOT “no problem.”  “No problem” is a response to an apology, and thank you is not an apology.

How did this become so widespread? Well, I’ll tell you how it became so widespread.  The communists have had an agenda to demasculinize boys from day one.  Male adults who never become men are easy to control.  Thus, more receptive of communism.  One of the ways to demasculinize boys is to make them hypersensitive.

Hypersensitivity -> Demasculinization -> Communism

See, I figured this out a long time ago.*  I’m onto the communists.  You can’t ever take your eyes off of them because they’re always doing something sneaky.

So, if someone under the age of 30 says “no problem” when you say “thank you,” simply correct them and explain to them that thank you is not an apology.  Now if someone over 30 says “no problem,” immediately assault them.  They’re a communist.

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* It’s just like I figured out long ago what Step 2 was between collecting underpants and profit.  Of course, I can’t share it here in case certain gnomes have internet connections.