The Zombieslayer

Ever notice that the ones who proclaim the loudest how open-minded they are are also the ones who can’t stand it when people disagree with them?

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I don’t like Jazz.  I’ve always seen Jazz as a group masturbation session.  Each person takes their turn to masturbate.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I think Jazz musicians are amongst the top in pretty much every category.  But there’s this thing called “melody” which I’ve always thought is more important than musicianship.

That said, I hate top-4o for the opposite reason.  Top-40 has no musicianship.  It’s just the singer.  If it’s a female singer, she’s singing about her boyfriend.  If it’s a male singer, he’s singing about himself.  No depth.  Whatsoever.

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So British snobbery has come back to bite them on the ass.  Well, at least when it comes to film.  The latest James Bond movie was hands down the worst James Bond movie ever made.  What’s worse, the latest Harry Potter film was just bad.  David Yates sucks and should be unemployed eating soup with other unemployed people.  Where he shouldn’t be is behind a camera.

That’s the problem with the British.  They’re snobs.  If you’re British and you’re reading this, come on.  Admit it.  I admit that us Americans make annoying tourists.  You can admit you’re a bunch of snobs.

So, why does this matter? The British absolutely positively have to have a British director directing Harry Potter films even though hands down the best Harry Potter film was directed by a Mexican.  It’s not only the best of the series, but the only one in the series that’s worthy of being studied in a film class.

So we’re stuck with David Yates.  That means, no Harry Potter 7.  I refuse to see them, as he’s had two chances already and got big FAILS for each one.

If I were running the franchise, I’d do one of the following:

1) Get Alfonso Cuaron back (the director of HP3),

2) Get the American guy who did Milk.  Now, that was a well-directed movie.

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OK, dumb idea telling you to buy the DOW at 12k.  However, smart idea telling you to buy Ford at $1.77.  I did, and sold most of it at $6.  I don’t have much left though but holding those shares long term as Fords are cool.  Did you know the “foam” cushions inside the seats are made of soy? How cool is that? Or that Ford has the largest green roof in the entire world?

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So you want to know what I’m looking forward to? Well, Spike Jonze doing my favorite kid’s book of all-time.  Can’t wait to see this.  I’ll write a full review October 17th.

OK, I went off on Harry Potter 6 how disappointed I was.  So you may be wondering what I’d actually recommend.  Here are a few…

Gran Torino - Clint Eastwood directed, produced, and starred in this one about a bitter old man who hates his kids, his neighbors, and pretty much everyone else in the town he lives in.  His neighbors are Hmong and have very strange customs to him.  He plays an old Korean War hero who’s now quite old and occasionally coughing up blood.

The movie has a few unexpected turns, some sympathetic characters, and a bunch of characters you root against.  All in all, good writing, good acting, good direction, good movie all around.  This may be the best movie I’ve seen in ‘09.  8 dead zombies.

The Watchmen - Are you as sick as I am with superhero/comic book movies? Probably not, but still. I’m sick of them. If I can go several years without seeing another comic book movie, it would probably be a good thing.

Spiderman 3 dragged. X-Men 3 sucked. The latest Batman was overhyped, overrated, and really not that good. Both Hulk movies sucked. The last Punisher sucked. Yeah, WTF am I doing watching all those movies anyways? Well, because they’re $1. If I had paid $10 for any of them, I’d be tempted to drive over to the director’s house and beat his ass.

The Watchmen though is an exception. Everyone else I saw it with thought it was slow. Well, I was the only one there into History, and to me, it worked.

You get to see an alternate universe where Nixon (God forbid) is in his 3rd term as President of the United States of America, we won the Vietnam War, we’re still in the Cold War because it’s the mid-80s, and the people have had it with costumed heroes. Good philosophical questions abound, and I got to really hate some of the costumed “heroes” in this movie, which was a good thing because I think that’s what they wanted.

I won’t tell you which ones, but those who know me could guess which ones. I’ll give you a hint - I hate anyone who abuses their power (like law enforcement and career politicians for instance).

Sure you can say the special effects weren’t so impressive but if you go to a movie for special effects, I severely question your intelligence.

Like Gran Torino, good writing. Good character development. It’s no coincidence that the actual comic book is supposed to be the best comic book ever written. That of course doesn’t say much (there goes my geek audience). The film reflects that.

7 dead zombies

I haven’t seen Milk yet. It’s something I keep looking out for but the rental box never has it.

Oh, Taken was pretty good. Not bad for a pure action film. Liam Neeson kicks ass, and he looks cool doing it. Another 7 dead zombies for Taken.

Small note on my rating system - 5 or 6 is an average movie. 7 is good. 8 is really good. 9 is a must see. 10 is a classic. Most movies are in the 4-6 range with my rating system.

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Hot Italian Babe Monica Bellucci

Yes, I like Italian and Spanish women.  I like Columbian, Argentine, and Brazilian women as well.  But right now, let’s not go off on a tangent and get back to Italian women.

Here’s Monica Bellucci.  I was telling Lime awhile back that of my faves list when it comes to hot babes, I think only one was in her 20s.  I like a woman who can hold a conversation with me, and one who has life experiences.

Bellucci has been trying to cross over into American cinema for awhile now and it has been, well, let’s just say unspectacular.  It’s too bad, because she actually can act and is drop dead gorgeous.

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All these images are NSFW (Not Safe For Work for those internet noobs), so don’t be clicking on them at work unless your boss rules (or you are the boss).

waterfall

lying in water

lookin’ great in black and white

reflection in water

Due to the recession, we’ve stopped seeing movies. Neither of our jobs are secure so our main priority is having enough money and food to last through the recession if either of us lose our jobs. That said, Redbox has $1 rentals so if we have two spare hours, we’ll get a flick.

Here’s a skinny and a rating on what we’ve rented recently.

City of Ember - I was excited for this one because it looked really good, but it was really, really bad. I mean, barely watchable. There’s too much to criticize and I’d rather use my words saying beefing something up rather than cutting it down. So I’ll simply say this, it’s not even worth a dollar rental. 1 dead zombie

Miracle at St. Anna - I have no idea why this movie slipped so far under the radar. Maybe it’s because it’s Spike Lee, a mediocre at best Director. But whatever, it was way better than that overrated snoozefest Saving Private Ryan.

If you want to see a good WWII movie, see this one instead.

It’s about four black soldiers in Italy. One of them finds the head of a statue and is convinced it’s good luck as bullets fly, his friends get turned into bloody pulp, artillery hits all around him, and he manages to survive. He comes across a little Italian boy and saves his life.

As much as I dislike Lee, he finally put out a movie that I really, really liked. Some of the racial issues will piss you off, as they should, and the film itself is beautiful, shot in the mountains of Italy. As a bonus, the Italian actress in it is quite attractive. 9 dead zombies

Traitor - Written and Directed by Jeffrey Nachmanoff, this movie stars Don Cheadle as an American who for most of the movie, you’ll wonder if he’s a terrorist or a hero. Great job by both Cheadle and Nachmanoff.

Props also for showing we’re not entirely good and they’re not entirely bad. A good dose of reality is what we need sometimes. Cheadle shines as do several of the secondary characters who you will grow to be fond of, despite being “bad guys.” 8 dead zombies

Beverly Hills Chihuahua - Yeah, don’t laugh. I actually sat through the entire movie. Sometimes when you’re with the girls, you have to let them watch their movies.

Seeing dogs talk with moving lips at first was annoying but 10-15 minutes into it, I stopped caring and was able to watch the movie. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, but not something I’d rush out and rent. 4 dead zombies

Quantum of Solace - Hands down the worst James Bond movie ever made.  James Bond goes emo, and this movie seems more like a My Chemical Romance video than James Bond.  Forget the martinis, James Bond needs a hug.  Don’t bother.  If you want to read my full review, read it here.  2 dead zombies

Anything you’ve seen recently that’s worth watching, let me know and I’ll look out for it.  Oh, I’ve watched Amelie again and liked it just as much the second time as I did the first time I saw it.

Warning - contains slight spoilers. Keep this in mind if you still haven’t seen this film.

Contrary to popular opinion, this was not the greatest movie ever nor even the best comic book movie ever made, nor even the best of the Batman movies. It was still good, don’t get me wrong, but this may be hands down the most overrated movie I’ve seen in years.

The Dark Knight has Christopher Nolan reprising his role as Director for the Batman series, which reset with the awful Batman Begins. This time, Nolan gets it partially right.

Christian Bale once again is Bruce Wayne/Batman. With two assistants, fellow scientific and business genius Lucius Fox, played by Morgan Freeman, and the wise and trusted butler Alfred, played by Michael Caine, Batman takes on the Joker, a twisted sociopath with no plan. Freeman like always is likable, but his screen presence is limited, as is Caine’s.

Batman has three legal partners in crime fighting - the good cop Gordon, for which Gary Oldman does a splendid job, and Harvey Dent, played by Aaron Eckhart. Dent ends up with one of the film’s most important roles, but it is the recently deceased Heath Ledger who steals the show as The Joker.

I actually like what Nolan did with The Joker. Here’s a guy with no superpowers other than faster than average reflexes and a paranoid wit to him that gets him out of trouble on more than one occasion. The Joker also gets an A+ in psychology, playing people’s weaknesses against themselves.

However, his downfall is predictable. He sees the human races as cheaters and liars, and severely underestimates the good in humans. I saw that one coming from a mile away, and it took one dead zombie from the film.

If you know what happens in the comics, you’ll know what happens to Harvey Dent. I found Dent to be too easily manipulated by The Joker and just didn’t buy that a man with as much character can be duped like he did.

The other thugs were one dimensional, which is fine for comic book movies, but have a little bit of depth. These guys had none and were pretty much there as cannon fodder.

Overall, a much improved effort over the first one, but doesn’t compare to Tim Burton’s ‘89 Batman nor even ’08’s Iron Man. Still worth watching if you like action flicks, but it’s not great film by any means. 7 out of 10 dead zombies.

First off, hope all you Americans, Filipinos, and Canadians had a good Independence Day/Canada Day.

I drink milk.  Always have.  Always will.  Milk over here in PC-ville gets a bad rap.  I’ve heard numerous people falsely believe milk is bad for you.  That’s bogus.  I’ve been hit by three cars while in a car and one more car on foot, played football, done Muay Thai, and NHB wrestling and have only broken one bone, which occurred while recklessly putting away free weights.  I dropped a 25-pound dumbbell on my finger, and only got a hairline fracture.

Milk is an excellent protein and it’s still relatively cheap.  Yes, bovine growth hormone is bad for you, but you can easily find milk that doesn’t have it.  Over where I live, Safeway, Whole Foods, Longs Drugs, Trader Joe’s, and Target all have at least one brand of milk that does not have bovine growth hormone.

The other thing the anti-milk people say is that we’re the only animals that drink milk in adulthood.  Oh yeah? Leave out some milk outside.  Watch every cat, dog, raccoon, skunk, or whatever come and want a drink of it.  They all know it’s good for them, and tastes good.

I guarantee you that if the anti-milk people did the reckless stuff I’ve done in life, they’d have a lot more than a hairline fracture in their finger.  Milk also has calcium and now they fortify milk with Vitamin D to help  you absorb the calcium better.

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I watched three Summer flicks.  I liked The Hulk, thought Iron Man was better than The Hulk, but liked Hancock even better than Iron Man.  I’ll hopefully get at least one of those reviews done this weekend.

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This is from the Tilden Park Botanical Gardens in Berkeley, California.  Great place to chill.