The Zombieslayer

OK.  This post is for movie buffs.

These are my top ten memorable scenes.  These scenes went deep into my psyche for some reason or another and stayed there.

01. Dr. Strangelove - Major Kong rides the nuclear bomb like a rodeo cowboy.  One of the more surreal moments in film history.

02. The City of Lost Children - “The Octopus,” two evil Siamese twins, are smoking.  One inhales the smoke and the other exhales it.  If you saw it, very bizarre and almost spooky, as was the entire movie.  Terry Gilliam loved this flick, and yours truly’s a big fan of Gilliam, as you probably already know.

03. Mulholland Drive - David Lynch has a way of getting deep inside my psyche.  I don’t know if it’s just me, but of all the scary movies I’ve seen, besides Ju-on 2, I find Lynch movies the scariest.  I watched this one in the theatre and the dumpster scene made my heart skip a beat.

04. Lost Highway - David Lynch again.  Fred Madison is in bed with his wife explaining a recurring nightmare.  He says in the nightmare, he’s in bed with his wife and it’s her, but it’s not her.  Suddenly, he looks over at her and it’s not her.  If you saw the movie, you’ll remember what I’m referring to.

05. Pulp Fiction - Tarantino’s best moment by far.  I don’t care what wannabe pretentious film buffs say.  This movie’s head and shoulders above Resevoir Dogs.  The fact that that dumb movie Forrest Gump won best picture above Pulp Fiction made me lose all respect for the morons who decide who gets Academy Awards.  Anyways, I digress.  Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace made one of the cutest screen couples ever, and I’ll never forget “Don’t be a Square.”

06. The Producers - “Your hats.  Your jackets.  Your swastikas.”  I saw both versions and enjoyed the musical even more than the original.  And I absolutely loathe musicals, so that’s really saying something.  I laughed harder at that scene than any other in that movie.

07. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - The three-way shoot out.  The best scene of perhaps the greatest American Western ever (even though it was an Italian movie shot in Spain).

08. Clerks - I don’t ever think I’ve laughed so hard in a movie when Dante and Randall are arguing about the morality of blowing up the Death Star, for there were every day workers on it.  Imagine, you have to feed your family so you get offered a job on the Death Star to work on the plumbing.  Do you deserve to die? The way they answer that question is classic.

09. Once Were Warriors - Grace’s suicide.  Yeah, movie suicides are often melodramatic and almost stupid, but this one hit me.

10. Blue Velvet - David Lynch is not my favorite director.  He’s just the guy who gets inside my psyche.  I love Isabella Rosselini, but the scene I remember the most from this movie was without her.  It was when Ben sings Roy Orbison and Frank listens, going from melancholy to rage halfway through the song.

Any film scene buried deep inside your psyche that pops out every now and then but you’ll remember it until the day you die? These are ten of mine.

This was something I was going to send the other Pretentious Critics, but decided to post it here instead.  I’ll let someone else do the review of Beowulf (2007). 

Well, I completely lost any desire to see the movie Beowulf now.  Looked cool, until I read that Peter Travers of Rolling Stone loved that movie.

First off, you know how much I hate Rolling Stone magazine.  America puts out a lot of crappy magazines, but that one takes the cake.  I’d rather read Socialist Worker than that crap.  That’s how I feel about the journalistic quality of an average Rolling Stone article.

Of all the tripe they put out, Peter Travers takes the cake.  The guy has never seen a movie he didn’t like.  Anytime there’s an explosion, Peter Travers goes all googlie-eyed and ga-gahs like a three-year-old who just spotted Barney at the supermarket.

He’s known as the “most quoted critic.”  Well, no shit.  Hollywood loves Peter Travers because the guy’s the biggest kiss ass who ever lived.  Any big budget director out there could film himself taking a dump and Peter Travers would exclaim “Genius! This director has done things no other has directed before! With explosive action, hard-hitting dialog, and drama that would leave you on the edge of your seats! Do not miss!”

So if any other pretentious critic wants to take this one, feel free.  Even knowing Angelina Jolie struts around sans clothing is not enough incentive to get me to see this movie.  If Peter Travers likes it, it’s probably tripe, except with big explosions.

Fellow pretentious critic Badman and I have a saying that you’ll either love or loathe a good movie. If you just say “eh, it was okay,” it’s not a good movie.

I saw this one in the theatre and the kids next to us cheered during parts, and a pair of hypersensitive yuppie “men” in back of us got all butt hurt and offended by it. That’s a good sign for Frank Darabont.

Stephen King is a storyteller. Darabont does his best to mimic King’s storytelling ability, focusing mainly on his head character, artist David Drayton. Following a nasty storm, Drayton takes his son and his asshole lawyer neighbor into town, leaving behind his wife.

They soon get stranded in a supermarket, learning that those who venture into the mist die horrible deaths. One by one, the survivors get plucked off by the things in the mist, and sometimes they die at faster rates when someone has the bright idea they can make it out there as a group.

Darabont’s characters are one dimensional and predictable. I was able to guess their time of deaths and even method of death more times than not. However, like I said, King is a storyteller and despite the lack of character depth, the story keeps the viewer wondering if Drayton and his son will survive.

Throw in a schizophrenic wannabe Biblical prophet, military experiments gone wrong, a state shooting champion, and a neat assortment of oversized bugs, the Mist is a fun movie. The ending has a nice twist that I won’t give away, but the moral of the story is clear. The twist alone makes the movie worth watching. 7 dead zombies for a fun to watch horror/thriller.

I don’t get scared easily. When we were kids, we used to watch horror movies and hide around the corner and try to scare each other.

I was talking to Badman this week about American horror vs Japanese horror. In American horror movies, you do everything right, you’ll live. Japanese horror films give no guarantee of life. You could do everything right and you’ll still probably die.

These are the scariest movies I’ve ever seen. Actually, only one scared me throughout. The others had one really scary scene.

Ju-On, the Grudge (2003 - Japan). I think there were four of them, and this one was the scariest. That creepy kid and the crawling woman got you no matter where you hid. You could be in your bed, eating dinner, in the shower, or where ever, minding your own business and suddenly you’re dead.

Unfortunately, that’s the only movie that really scared me. The rest had scary scenes.

I saw the Exorcist (1973 - US) back in the mid-80s and it wasn’t scary. Then I saw it again with the additional scenes. The one scene with the spider walk freaked me out.

Freaks (pre-code 1932 - US) was banned in the UK for 30 years. It featured real life carnival freaks. The movie itself was well-done and for its time, I guess it was really scary. But the one scene in the very end freaked me out, what the freaks did to that lady. I don’t want to give it away in case any of you are film geeks (like SME) and may just watch it.

David Lynch has a way of getting inside one’s head. He does that as well as anyone. He builds up a strange dream sequence, and he can be really creepy sometimes. He did that with both Lost Highway and Blue Velvet, two of my favorite movies. But my favorite movie of his was Mulholland Drive (2001 - US).

There was one scene were two grown men in business suits were sitting at a diner and the one guy was telling his buddy about a recurring nightmare he keeps having. The way Lynch built it up, my brain already filled in the blanks and I was really creeping myself out. Then just as he explained to his buddy, the nightmare came to life. My heart literally skipped a beat at that scene.

So there you have it. The movies that scared me. As I said, I don’t get scared easily and I’ve watched a lot of movies.

More Lists

Badman and I like to make lists. Here’s his Top 10 Punk Sellouts of All-Time. If you’re into Punk, definitely read this one.

The one of his I really liked though was his Worst Albums of All-Time list. I think he worded it poorly as he meant “most disappointing” because they were good bands that made bad albums.

If you’re a music junkie, you’ll love arguing with this guy. He really knows his stuff, even though he and I have completely different taste in music.

Back to movies

So…any movie ever scare you? If so, what did? I may just have to rent it.

So, I never thought this would happen in the San Francisco area. I’m sitting here at work with all four Harry Potter DVDs, and one of my co-workers came by and told me that they’re bad news. “They promote witchcraft!”

Uh oh. One of those arguments you just don’t want to get in. So I played along and she went away.

Just to let you know, I finished the 7th book the Sunday after it was released, so in 1 1/2 days I guess. Awesome book, not as good as #5 or #4, but still good. I won’t write a review though because it’s too hard not to give anything away.

Anyways, back to my original topic. I’m tempted to ask some Wiccans I know what brought them into practicing witchcraft. Was it Harry Potter? I imagine them giving me a look like I was smoking crack.