The Zombieslayer

It’s funny, I didn’t think I’d get so many responses from women when I asked them this question personally but with some, I couldn’t get them to shut up.  This is an entirely unscientific study; that’s my disclaimer.  I asked some friends and relatives.  Most were heterosexual females, one a lesbian who has had sex with men in the past and still finds some men aesthetically pleasing but just has relationships with women (thus she calls herself a lesbian).  A few were bi, but regardless, answers are answers.

Yes, a lot of the answers were what we’ve all heard before - intelligence, sense of humor, blah blah blah.  It was nice when someone actually gave me a unique response.  I had one say “strong enough to carry me home if I’m drunk.”

One actually gave me professions and after her, I asked if those professions are sexy and got mostly positive responses.  Here they are:

Blue collar - plumbers, electricians, and mechanics.  Plumbers because they consistently make a lot of money.  There is a sexiness to a man who strives under capitalism.  Electricians because of all the trades, they’re the smartest.  Mechanics, I’ve heard multiple compliments about them.  One, they can fix your car (which we joked is especially good when the zombie plague starts).  Another, like the plumber, recession or no recession, you still need your car fixed.  And the one I really liked best is there’s a sexiness to a guy who comes home covered in grease after a hard day’s work.

White collar - Professors, Doctors, and Dentists.  Professors I’ve actually heard before from several people.  Yes, intelligence is sexy.  Doctors are often Alpha Maleish.  I can see that.  Dentists, I was surprised but when asked why, they’re reliable.  Funny thing is I didn’t hear lawyers mentioned except once, and it was very negative - one mentioned she’d never even go on a date with a lawyer as she doesn’t trust them.

Funny thing is there were physical traits mentioned but they were more for flings than long-term relationships.  So of the women I asked, I might be able to generalize consistency, dependency, and reliability for long-term and physical traits for short term.  The physical traits ranged from strong hands, manly hands, tall and strong, broad shoulders, and strong facial features.  Not one women I asked though mentioned a physical trait for long-term relationships except for the one who said strong enough to carry her home when she’s drunk (she’s an alcoholic by the way).

Good stuff.  Like I said, entirely unscientific as the sampling was too small and not a representative of the general female population but definitely interesting enough for a blog post.

…and that’s a good thing.

Now that I got your attention, why the double standard when it comes to sex? You will see the exact same parents be proud of their son being sexually active while denying their daughter has any sexuality whatsoever. Yes, that’s bad for the girls. But it’s also bad for the boys. The girl will start off with a dysfunctional sex life. Nice going, parents.

Boys and girls think about sex. All the time. So do adults. So do old people. So does that receptionist who’s bored out of her mind, that balding guy in his 40s, that homeless guy asking for spare change, and that kind lady in the wheelchair. So do retarded people, people who like to fish, and the guy who’s fixing your bike. Denying people their sexuality is just plain stupid.

Which of course brings me to censorship. For those of you who have read my blog for years, you know that it was Tipper Gore who originally got me into politics. No, not in a good way. I fucking hated her holier than thou ass. I remember her speeches on Dungeons and Dragons being “a pathway to Satanism,” the urban legends about the kids getting killed because they took Dungeons and Dragons too seriously, her trying to ban such songs as Cyndi Lauper’s “She Bop.”

Yes, “She Bop.” It’s about female masturbation and we all know that the entire Gore family NEVER masturbated because they don’t do such evil things like that. Yeah, whatever. Fuck you Tipper Gore and that white horse you rode in on. Note that of Tipper’s filthy fifteen list, 2 of them were about female masturbation. Another of the 15 was Sheena Easton’s “Sugar Walls” which is a song about female arousal. No wonder we have a generation of kids screwed up about sexuality. Anyone who claims to be a feminist who supported Tipper Gore, do the world a favor and shoot yourself in the head right now. Thanks.

I’ve always wondered why it took Al so long to get divorced. You waited long enough. Now I find it funny that the guy who claimed to have invented the internet can’t find out where to get happy endings.

Movie ratings

America is ass backwards when it comes to sex not only in music censorship but in movie ratings. I remember when my son was a kid, we rented the movie “Mission to Mars” which was rated PG. No, not PG-13, but straight up PG. So thinking it was safe, we watched the movie together. He was excited to see it and said how he wanted to be an astronaut.

Well, the movie had several graphically violent deaths, including one guy spinning around so fast that he blew up into a mass of blood. Yes, in a PG movie.

After the movie was over, my son said “I don’t want to be an astronaut.” Nice going, movie rating dickheads.

I also remember that Indiana Jones 3 movie where the Arab guy got his head cut off and his head rolls by Indiana Jones. Did that movie get an R rating? Of course not. Then again, we all know Hollywood hates Arabs so I’m not surprised.

If Indiana Jones 3 had a pair of bare breasts though, it would have gotten an R rating. Moral - nudity bad, graphic violence ok as long as it’s not too much.

The thing is, breasts aren’t even sexual organs. Well, besides tittie fucking but come on, that’s only common in porn. (Tip to Al Gore - if you ever read the internet that you claimed to invent, you ask if they speak Swedish).

Children who are raised in fatherless homes account for the following:

For the record, that 85% of all youths sitting in prison seems low.  I remember talking to a lot of former prisoners and they tell me one thing everyone has in common is nobody has a father.  I have seen other statistics where the figure is well over 90%, but too busy right now to dig for them.  So for now, we’ll go with the 85% figure.

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Thanks R for pretty much supplying this post

I hear women complain all the time how easy it is to be a man and other blah blah blah crap.  Whatever.

Let me get one thing immediately out of the way before I really start this rant.  I couldn’t be a woman.  It’s for the simple fact that women don’t know who their true female friends are.  Screw that.  That paranoia would drive me crazy.

OK, now that that’s out of the way, here’s my rant.  The grass is always greener for the other gender.

There’s an old saying that goes something like don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in another person’s shoes.  It’s an old saying, but it’s timeless and still applies today.  Us men have our own issues to deal with.

So, men make more money than women? Well, you know what? That sucks for me too.  I wish Mrs. Z made a million dollars a year so I could sit at home and work on my novel.  She doesn’t.  I wish she did, but she doesn’t.  I have no problem with women making more money than me.  None at all.

Now, I hear women complain to me that making a lot a money intimidates men (well, those women who do make a lot of money).  Good.  Screw them.  Guys who are intimidated by a woman who makes a lot of money are pussies and you shouldn’t be settling for them anyways.  If you do, it’s your fault you have to deal with their insecurities, so stop bitching about it to me.

Death

This is something that is never brought up.  Men live 8 years LESS than women.  That’s reality for us.  You’ll outlive us for 8 years.  So all the crap that you have to go through, are you willing to get rid of it for 8 years taken off your life? Before you answer that question, consider it carefully.

Sex

Here’s an old joke for you.  Little Johnny and little Suzy are arguing who is better than who.  So little Johnny whips out his ding ding and says “my Daddy says because I have one of these, I’m better than you.”  So little Suzy drops her pants and says “well, my Mommy says because I have one of these, I can get one of those any time I want.”

That’s right.  It is women, not men, who get the choice of when and where to have sex.  Guys have to work to get laid.  Women just have to have a pulse.

So, want to trade?

The grass is always greener for the other gender

All that said, I won’t be switching any time soon.  Women have other issues to deal with that I’m not about to get into right now.  But before you think the grass is greener on the other side, you should seriously consider living on the other side.  Norah Vincent did and she ended up having to check into a mental health clinic afterward.

Now what I’m waiting for is for a guy to dress up like a woman for a year and write a book about it.  The problem is, I can spot a man-to-woman transvestite from a mile away and too many other people can.  If someone could pull it off, I want to hear brutal honesty like Ms. Vincent.  She pretty much covered everything from dating, hanging out, bowling leagues, employment, and if I remember correctly, she almost got into a fist fight.

Before I get started about talking about money, just want to get two things straight:

1) Health is more important than money.  If your health is bad, it doesn’t matter how much money you have.  I’d trade money for health any day.

2) Money has nothing whatsoever to do with whether you’re a good or bad person.

There.  Now that that’s out of the way, I have to do this rant because I hear it all the time.  Men have all the money.  Women have glass ceilings.  Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

First off, pick up a copy of The Millionaire Next Door.  That book does a great job showing that just about every stereotype about millionaires is wrong.  Wealth for one thing is measured by family, NOT by men vs. women.  That said, men and women have completely different attitudes about wealth, and attitude is everything.  That book found that it’s usually the women’s accounting skills and spending habits, not how much the couple makes, that determines how wealthy the family will be.

Another thing, millionaires don’t necessarily make gobs of money.  The median income of a millionaire family is only $70,000, which for a two-income household is actually quite low for where a lot of you all live.  So it’s not necessarily how  much money you make, it’s what you do with it.
Men and women do different things with money.  I was at Barnes and Noodle earlier today looking in the Investment section, and it was 100% male.  Not ONE woman grabbed a book from that section the two hours we were there.  Two young ladies did walk by it and one said to the other “buy that millionaire woman book” to which the other one replied “if I don’t spend money, I won’t have money problems.”  That’s about the dumbest thing she could have possibly said.  $100 says she’ll be broke 10 years from now.

Gender and small talk

Of most of my acquaintances, with guys, I talk sports, music, or investing when it comes to small talk.  With women, I talk about family, movies, or t.v. shows.  Women generally don’t want to talk about investing until they reach 40.  Men start talking about it in their early 30s or even earlier.   So there you go, a decade of potential investing wasted.  That amounts to a lot of money they could have had.  Of course, men when they reach 30 wish they started investing right after college instead of spending it on stupid crap.

I’ve bought stocks before after small talk with strange guys at bars.  And I’ve given tips to strangers too.  Each time, it’s a male.

Aggressiveness

The other drawback to women and investing is aggressiveness, or lack thereof.  Several of my co-workers are close enough to show each other our 401k’s.  I know that’s about as personal as showing each other your genitals to most folks, but we do it.

Men tend to invest more aggressively.  One of the women I helped out had 100% (I’m not kidding) of her 401k in a savings mutual fund.  That’s about as stupid as you can get when it comes to investing.  Savings is a horrible thing to invest in, because even if you’re getting 4.5%, inflation is currently at 3.9%, so you’re barely beating inflation.

Stocks on the other hand over the past 100 years have averaged over 10%.  Sure they go up and down and it can drive you mad if you watch the market every day, but my advice to those who worry is to relax.  It’s all about the long-term.

Big salaries

I’ve worked with many women who made more money than I did.  One literally used to make double of what I made, and my wife didn’t work at the time.  Unfortunately for her, she never cut the umbilical chord, and to this day is still taking care of her 30+ alcoholic son.  So, so much for investing.  I would have kicked his ass out a decade earlier.  She simply won’t be able to retire at 65, which is coming up a heck of a lot sooner than she’d like to believe.

Another used to make about $40-50k more than I did.  She has a gorgeous collection of shoes and clothing, and is great to look at.  However, she owns no home and only recently paid off her credit debt.  And she wondered how with a wife and kid who don’t work, and a much lower salary, I was able to buy a house in California.

Now, those are two extreme examples, but you get my point.

That said, I do not pretend to be a Financial Consultant.  I am not.  I’m just a private investor, and I still have a day job.  So don’t be thinking I’m Warren Buffet’s son or something.  I’m just repeating what I see, for what it’s worth.

It’s changing for the better

The good thing about gender and money is it’s changing.  Writers like Suzy Orman and David Bach are getting more and more women to think about money.  That’s a good thing.  When women start taking money more seriously at an earlier age, you’ll see a heck of a lot more female millionaires.

Now, I’m not at all justifying the disparity between the genders, I’m just trying to make sense of it.  If women were as aggressive and thought about money as much as men, I guarantee you that you’ll see just as many women millionaires as men.  It doesn’t take a big brain to get rich.  It just takes patience, discipline, and hard work.  And a little bit of aggressiveness.