Alright, so I actually watched part of the opening ceremonies to the Olympics. Nicely done Canada. And Canadians, you’re beautiful. No wonder you’re so much happier than us Americans (who are stressed out like you cannot believe).
Now, this isn’t a knock on you, but a knock on the Olympic Committee. Dear Olympic Committee, you all are a bunch of wussies. Yes, you heard it right.
WTF is up with calling Taiwan “Chinese Taipei?” Afraid to offend the Chinese? Well, screw the Chinese. Taiwan = Taiwan. In Taiwan, there were a people called the Taiwanese who were there before you had that civil war between the Nationalists and the Communists. Yes, most people don’t know that, but it’s true. I love how China conveniently likes to forget the existence of peoples. Kind of like Tibetians.
So if someone calls a Taiwanese person Chinese and gets slapped upside the head, don’t be surprised. They hate being called that. As they should.

If someone comes up to you and tells you they watch the Super Bowl only for the commercials, feel free to smack them upside the head. Then tell them to get a fucking life. Seriously. How pathetic is someone to watch anything for commercials?
I wish I had a few million bucks to sponsor a study to show you that it’s not necessarily television that is evil. It’s commercials.
Commercials play to your insecurities. You’re too fat. You’re too thin. You’re not rich enough. You’re not pretty enough. You’re balding. Nobody likes you. Now, if you buy our product, you’ll be prettier. You’ll have better self-esteem. People will like you. You’ll lose weight. You’ll gain weight. Et cetera.
Over time, hearing all this bullshit over and over and you will become more insecure.
My study will show that the more commercials someone watches, the more insecure they will become.
So if someone really wants to watch commercials, instead just tell them they stink, they’re too fat, they’re too thin, nobody likes them, everyone else thinks they’re poor, they’re bald, and their feet are ugly. Oh, and buy your product or else people won’t like them.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, Drew Brees is better than Peyton Manning. There. I said it. Five years from now, people will agree with me. Right now, people won’t. Time will prove me right.

Back to the Olympics, the Ukrainian team came up and my real estate agent, who’s traveled a heck of a lot more than I have, turns to me and tells me he thinks Ukrainian women are the best looking in the world. Before I say if I agree or disagree, I’d have to give that some thought. I don’t really have a favorite but if I made a test tube woman, I’d probably take the butt of a Brazilian, the smile of a Thai, the kindness of a Canadian, the brains of a Dutch or German, the energy of a Samoan, the ingenuity of a Japanese person, and the hair of an Irish red-head. And she’d be able to dance like Paula Abdul.

Alright, this post is becoming silly. I’ll leave you with this Founding Father quote:”If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen.”
-Sam Adams