The Zombieslayer

So I’m reading Chuck Klostermann’s Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs and I came to the realization that it’s not just The Sims, it’s all video games. Video games are not only a waste of time, but the end result is nothing accomplished and an empty feeling afterwards.

I’ve defended porn on many occasions. I keep hearing people say porn is degrading to women. That’s utter bull. There are so many variations of porn that to single out one group being degraded is to close your eyes to all the rest.

If you’re anywhere near my age, you’ll remember the Eurythemics song Sweet Dreams are Made of This. If you’re younger, you may have heard the Marilyn Manson cover of that song. It’s about porn. “Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you. Some of them want to be abused.”

Someone gets used and abused. It’s not always the woman, so that whole argument is bogus. Unlike video games though, porn always has a happy ending. If you got one not to your liking, you must have accidentally grabbed someone else’s fantasy instead of the one you wanted.

So, here I am in my late 30s and I can’t do the guitar solos I used to do when I was 19. Why? Because I’m always preoccupied doing something else. I work 40 hours a week, have a wife and kid, try to spend quality time with both of them, work out regularly, keep a blog, read, keep up with the news, politics, and what’s going on with the Green Bay Packers, listen to music, play video games, practice guitar, and once a week try a new thing to cook. Something has to give.

I don’t even own a t.v. anymore so I can’t blame the idiot box for my wasted hours. So video games will have to go.

I just won a game today. It felt great when the tide turned and I started winning my battles. Then as it came near the end and it was clear I was going to win the war, it became anti-climatic and not even fun any more.

Sure, porn gets boring the second time you watched it, but at least it didn’t limit your world like video games do. Yes, when you play a video game, the rules are limited to the rules the writers give you. You cannot think outside the box. You have to follow their rules and play in their world. Talk about limiting creativity.

So no more. The rest of ‘08, I won’t play another video game. Then maybe I could spend more time on the guitar and conquer those guitar solos I wrote when I was 19.

We know everyone has flaws. I’d rather not start off a rant by saying this, because it’s so trite, so overdone.

As a highly opinionated person, I speak my mind. Sometimes it’s not the friendliest thing to say, but there’s a Freedom of Speech in this country and by golly, I’m going to use it while we still have it.

It’s funny, my last satirical piece, I was thinking that Right-wing Americans would probably cheer and say “cool! Zombieslayer hates Muslims.” Left-wing Americans would probably say “oh no! Zombieslayer’s a bigot!”

Freedom of Speech, my friends. Use it or lose it.

Everyone does something stupid. It would be a bad world when people are afraid to call someone on it. So I do. When George W does something stupid, I say it. When Nancy Pelosi does something stupid, I say it. Well, I can’t all the time because those two are some of the dumbest people on the planet (and they’re running our country).

As for Islam, yes, you’ve heard me say it before and I’m sick of saying it but I have to say it again because you never know when there will be a newbie who reads this blog - a religion is only as good or bad as its followers. The best thing that could happen for Islam are for moderate Muslims to openly mock the extremists. Do it in public, and do it loudly. Take those stupid things off women’s heads, allow women to have every Right that men have, and stop chopping off people’s heads you don’t like.

Of all the religions, Islam has the absolute worst track record for Women’s Rights.

Of all the religions, Islam has the most vile extremists.

Of all the religions, Islam is the most intolerant.

If I were a Muslim, this is what I’d be working on:

1) Equality for Women,

2) Birth control. The reality is overpopulation in Islamic countries is the root cause of all their problems. Denying birth control and forcing women at gunpoint to breed is making the problems far worse,

3) Immediately stopping female circumcision. That practice is abhorrent and the sooner it is outlawed worldwide the better,

4) Free Speech. Yes, that means offensive speech too. And if one’s delicate sensibilities are offended, tough shit!

5) A truly Free Press. This is crucial to change. Open up the press, including criticism of clerics and government bodies.

Until this happens, Islam will continue to be seen as an ass backwards religion. There are many, many moderate, intelligent, and fascinating Muslims out there. I have befriended many, and I can tell you first hand that they’re fun as heck to party with. But they need to be more vocal about change or else all the rest of the world will see are the loud, backwards idiots that make Islam look like a religion of nutjobs.

By the way, you might want to watch this video. By all means, let me know if you know any Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Pagan, Atheist, or Taoist groups that are this scary. Keep in mind, this is mainstream in some Muslim nations.

I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican. I can’t stand either of them, and this is why.

The Democrats

The Democrats want to be your Mom. They know what’s best for you, and want to tell you what’s best for you whether you want to hear it or not. They love to nag. They love safety nets, and they’d punish the strong to take care of the weak. They’re obsessed with equality and see injustice everywhere. The world’s not fair, but they want to make it fair, and anyone who stands in their way be damned. They hate prejudice in all forms, but deep down inside, they’re the most prejudice people you’ll ever meet.

In extreme cases, they’d make all guns illegal, make anyone who ever spanked a child go to jail (I’m not joking, I’ve known people like this), make eating meat illegal, ban both heavy metal and rap music, tax anything that could possibly be dangerous, impose stiff fines on anyone caught without a bike helmet, zombify any boy who shows any sign of masculinity with Ritalin, and monitor you 24 hours a day to make sure you don’t do anything that is bad for you. Of course, it’s in your best interest that they watch out for you, because you cannot watch out for yourself and you have no idea what’s in your own best interest.

The Republicans

The Republicans want to be your father. They want you to work hard and be a good little boy or girl. If you don’t work hard, you won’t be rewarded.  They accuse you of spending too much, but then because of their mismanagement, you’re in heavy debt.  So keep your nose to the grindstone and don’t do anything that would get you in trouble, because they’re not only your father, they’re your uber-father you’re glad you never had.

In extreme cases, adulterers would go to jail (I’m not joking about this one either, I’ve heard it said), there would be hundreds of things that merit capital punishment, doctors who perform certain procedures would be lined up against the wall and shot, there would be absolutely no safety nets, because if anything bad happened to you, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough, and we’d be at war everywhere because the world trembles when they rattle their sabers.

Then there’s me

As for me, I want to make my own decisions, and I’ll deal with the consequences. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. After all, we are supposed to be a free country, right?

We have a Constitution. It would be nice if those two ass clowns of parties followed it. Within reason, let adults make their own decisions. If it doesn’t affect you, it’s none of your business.

You’re at a family reunion. You’re having a great time. Suddenly, you hear shouting in the other room. You go to check out what the fuss is all about and you see Uncle Jim on the floor being restrained by three of your relatives. You recognize another guy being helped by several people you don’t know. He’s bleeding. You immediately know what happened.

Quick quiz, folks. Was Uncle Jim drunk or stoned?

I’m not even going to answer that because I know you know the answer.

Marijuana is a drug. It’s not good for you. It goes into your lungs and anything you stick into your lungs can’t be good for you. Regardless, people on marijuana are not trouble makers.

Jim is not an asshole when he drinks. Jim’s an asshole and it takes drinking to see his real side. Now, when Jim gets stoned, he’s mellow. We’d all much rather see Jim get stoned than drunk.

Marijuana is a gateway drug

No it’s not. Do the research yourself. Survey after survey has shown that people try cocaine, heroin, or meth for the first time not when they’re stoned but when they’re drinking. If anything, alcohol is the gateway drug. Of course, I’m not against drinking either, but showing the absurdity of the statement.

Marijuana makes you lazy

Well, no shit, Einstein. I’d prefer that young people don’t smoke pot and I tell my son about drugs all the time, using people we know as examples. But then again, that’s a central part of my beliefs. You, not me, and especially not the government, make the decision about what is best for you. You, not me, and especially not the government should be raising your kids to do the right thing.

I know more than a few people who are lazy who smoke pot. Guess what? They never had an ambition to begin with. Sure, marijuana makes it worse, but these guys weren’t go-getters from the start. If you took away their history of pot, I guarantee you they’ll be wasting their time and money on some other stupid thing.

Marijuana has medicinal value

And this I agree with. It’s good for glaucoma, but where it really shines is for cancer patients. I’ve heard a lot about cancer patients and how they lose their appetites, and how marijuana helps them eat. That is a good thing. And why are we preventing people with cancer from smoking pot anyways? Come on, they got cancer for God’s sake. Give them a freaking break.

Summary

All in all, marijuana should be a State decision, not Federal. This is another clear violation of the Tenth Amendment. California, Hawaii, Florida, and if I’m not mistaken Arizona have voted to legalize marijuana for medicinal use, but they keep getting harassed by the Feds. Where are the States’ Rights folks when you need them?

Marijuana does not cause violence. In fact, people mellow out when they’re on it. For that reason alone, I’d rather people do marijuana than other things. You hear about marijuana making the roads more dangerous but the fact is people who are stoned know they’re stoned and know they have no business being on the road. Drunks on the other hand…

PETA is an organization of whackos. They live in an unreal world, far removed from reality.

I have nothing against vegetarianism. If you don’t eat meat for moral reasons, more power to you. If you don’t eat meat for health reasons, well, then I’ll tell you what. Unless I get hit by a car, I’m going to outlive you.

The skins of an animal are about the best thing you can wear. That’s why Native Americans wear skins. When they slaughter an animal, they eat the meat, keep the hides, and use the brains to tan the hides. That’s why you’ve probably heard the saying “you don’t have enough brains to tan your own hide!” That’s because most animals have just enough brains to tan their own hide, so that saying is an insult.

Fur is wonderful, especially when it’s cold. I personally love it because it’s comfortable and it’s specifically made for both comfort and warmth. That’s the real world though, not the world PETA lives in.

There are however fur factories that slaughter animals and treat them like crap, seeing them as only dollar signs with no respect for them while they’re alive. I’m not arguing that. Instead of fixing the problem, PETA wants to abolish all fur, and that’s why I hate them.

I am a hunter. When I kill something, I eat it. It’s fun, and it’s environmentally friendly. The more hunters the better because we do something that is about the most environmental thing you can do - we preserve open space. We also follow regulations how many animals we can kill so we keep the population even. We are aware of these regulations and we follow them to a T.

I love being outdoors with just me, a close friend or two, a canteen, a knife, and a rifle (and sometimes a camera and a tripod instead of a rifle). It’s great fun. PETA wants to ban this too. They’re not thinking of the environment. If they would, they wouldn’t be pushing pleather, which is about the most environmentally whacked thing ever created.

When you put pleather in a landfill, it never decomposes. It just sits there. It’s synthetic leather, made of plastics that don’t break down. That’s reality. My furs on the other hand will make wonderful soil. It’s because they’re organic. They’re fur and brains. That’s it. No plastic. No chemicals. No synthetic garbage. Fur, and brains. You can’t get more organic than that. Oh, I forgot to include water. Yes, we use water too.

PETA also are against the First Amendment. They tried to get the Green Bay Packers to change their name because Packers is offensive. I’m not joking. They really tried to do this. As you already know, the Packers are my favorite team because I’m a Mid-Westerner and I stick by my team through good and bad.

PETA also went after Judas Priest, my all-time favorite band. They tried to get them to change the name of their 1979 album Hell Bent for Leather to Hell Bent for Pleather. You gotta be kidding. Pleather sucks. Don’t buy it. It’s bad for the environment. It doesn’t decompose. It’s not even that comfortable either.

Oh, and yes, they’re right about one thing. Don’t buy leather from China. They use some horribly toxic compounds that are banned in the U.S. and treat their animals with extreme cruelty. Their leather decomposes in landfills very slowly because it’s so full of toxic chemicals. I won’t argue that point. They are right about it. But they take videos they shot in China and try to convince you that all of us who make fur are like that. That’s simply b.s.

UPDATE: I decided to upload the PETA ads so if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’d see them.  Note that both contain nudity, so if you’re at work, don’t click on the links.  I don’t find them necessarily offensive, but leave Yuppieville and actually go into the real world naked during winter and see how long you last.  This isn’t reality, folks.  It’s another guilt myth concocted by crazy people.

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