The Zombieslayer

If you don’t know who Missy Suicide is, she’s the one who pioneered Suicide Girls, which is a website that has the classical pin-ups, except with a twist - these girls are very punk, goth, or indie.

I bought her first book yesterday, simply called Suicide Girls, and am reading it now.

“I had long thought of the Pin-Up era as something of the past, but that summer in Portland I decided I wanted to be a Pin-Up photographer anyway.  Surely, with the proliferation of hardcore pornography and graphic sex all over the internet and cable, there wouldn’t be the same sort of widespread appeal for the understated beauty of the demure there once was, but so what?”

Exactly.  So what? Create your own niche market and expand on that.  So, a lot of folks are into hardcore porn.  Let them enjoy their hardcore porn and do your own thing, something that you find enjoyable.

I’ve been burned out on hardcore porn for years now.  I no longer own a single magazine and have a whopping zero hardcore porn files on my computer.  Not that I’m against hardcore porn, I’m just sick of it.  It does nothing for me.  The actors look like they’re going through the motions and it’s not at all exciting.  It looks so, well, fake.

“I had done jobs to make money and they hadn’t made me happy; this time I would start with a job that would fulfill me artistically and I’d worry about the making a living part later.”

Bingo.  No matter what religion (including Atheist) you are, you get one and only one shot of being you.  If you believe in reincarnation, you’re no longer you.  You’re someone else.  So in this life, you’re you, and this is you’re only shot at it.

I strongly believe that doing what you like doing is more important than money.  Funny hearing that from a rabid Right-winger, but I strongly believe that.

Money will come.  I make money at jobs and investments and I learned to make it work.  But if you’re not doing what you love doing at least part time, you will have a sick, empty feeling and your life will not be complete.

Trust me on this one.  Don’t get into something you hate because your parents want you to do it, or society expects you to do it.  Do it out of love, or at least do that job you hate, leave it at work, and do what you really love part time until you make enough money doing what you love that you can tell them where they can stick that job you hate.

“If I was going to present images of female beauty, it would be my personal vision of femininity.”

Awesome and thank you.  I get sick of Playboy with their fake blonde hair, their fake big boobs, and the heavy airbrushing.  It doesn’t do it for me.  For the record, if I were single, I couldn’t fuck a fake blonde with fake boobs and a fake tan and a 90 IQ.  I couldn’t do it.

There is something intriguing about the Suicide Girls.  When I was in high school, I had a thing for the nerdy girl two seats behind me in my English class.  She had an IQ within 20 points of mine (which means she was pretty fucking smart), but she wore glasses and she wasn’t exactly popular.  So because I was being a dumbass, I never asked her out.

She wrote her own poetry and listened to Post-Punk music.  Not my thing, but I’ve always preferred anything out of the ordinary to the mindless corporate crap that they shove down our throats on the top 40 stations across the country.

That’s the type of girl who would have ended up in a Suicide Girls calendar.  Dang it.  I’d like to go back in time and slap that 16-year-old Zombieslayer across his head.  Screw popularity ratings.  This girl had it.

As do a lot of the Suicide Girls.

Missy, I’ll be buying the rest of your books shortly.  Still got to finish reading this one.

Due to the recession, we’ve stopped seeing movies. Neither of our jobs are secure so our main priority is having enough money and food to last through the recession if either of us lose our jobs. That said, Redbox has $1 rentals so if we have two spare hours, we’ll get a flick.

Here’s a skinny and a rating on what we’ve rented recently.

City of Ember - I was excited for this one because it looked really good, but it was really, really bad. I mean, barely watchable. There’s too much to criticize and I’d rather use my words saying beefing something up rather than cutting it down. So I’ll simply say this, it’s not even worth a dollar rental. 1 dead zombie

Miracle at St. Anna - I have no idea why this movie slipped so far under the radar. Maybe it’s because it’s Spike Lee, a mediocre at best Director. But whatever, it was way better than that overrated snoozefest Saving Private Ryan.

If you want to see a good WWII movie, see this one instead.

It’s about four black soldiers in Italy. One of them finds the head of a statue and is convinced it’s good luck as bullets fly, his friends get turned into bloody pulp, artillery hits all around him, and he manages to survive. He comes across a little Italian boy and saves his life.

As much as I dislike Lee, he finally put out a movie that I really, really liked. Some of the racial issues will piss you off, as they should, and the film itself is beautiful, shot in the mountains of Italy. As a bonus, the Italian actress in it is quite attractive. 9 dead zombies

Traitor - Written and Directed by Jeffrey Nachmanoff, this movie stars Don Cheadle as an American who for most of the movie, you’ll wonder if he’s a terrorist or a hero. Great job by both Cheadle and Nachmanoff.

Props also for showing we’re not entirely good and they’re not entirely bad. A good dose of reality is what we need sometimes. Cheadle shines as do several of the secondary characters who you will grow to be fond of, despite being “bad guys.” 8 dead zombies

Beverly Hills Chihuahua - Yeah, don’t laugh. I actually sat through the entire movie. Sometimes when you’re with the girls, you have to let them watch their movies.

Seeing dogs talk with moving lips at first was annoying but 10-15 minutes into it, I stopped caring and was able to watch the movie. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, but not something I’d rush out and rent. 4 dead zombies

Quantum of Solace - Hands down the worst James Bond movie ever made.  James Bond goes emo, and this movie seems more like a My Chemical Romance video than James Bond.  Forget the martinis, James Bond needs a hug.  Don’t bother.  If you want to read my full review, read it here.  2 dead zombies

Anything you’ve seen recently that’s worth watching, let me know and I’ll look out for it.  Oh, I’ve watched Amelie again and liked it just as much the second time as I did the first time I saw it.

Thanksgiving went pretty well.  I made the stuffing.  I used one organic Asian Pear, one organic Fuji Apple, one onion, lots of garlic, four slices of well-toasted bread, and about a glass of red wine.  It actually tasted pretty good.  Oh yeah, threw some salt and pepper in there too.

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Glad the election’s over.  No, nobody or nothing I voted for won.  Ron Paul’s too intelligent to be President of the USA.  Get this, the criticisms I’ve heard of Ron Paul is that “he scares me.”  Sure, throw logic right out the window and use an argument ad hominem.  But then again, I don’t expect intelligence from the American voters.

Dad used to get me Time magazine for Christmas.  I told him not to this year.  I hate that magazine.  Both Time and Newspeak couldn’t do an article on Obama without mentioning his race.  Couldn’t talk about Hillary Clinton and later Sarah Palin without mentioning their gender.  It got pretty fucking annoying.  Pardon my French.

For those of you who make fun of sports, that’s one thing I like about sports.  It was the one thing I did when nobody asked me my race.  I got sick of hearing it.  Had to always fill in my race for whenever I applied for anything except sports.  With sports, I just played.  If I performed well, they liked me.  If I sucked, they didn’t.  That’s how it should be.

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I saw a bunch of movies and am too lazy to review them so I’ll write a skinny on each of them.

Star Wars Clone Wars - For a cartoon aimed for kids, I found it quite watchable. No, don’t expect good dialog or plot, because after all it is Star Wars which is well-known for bad dialog and plot holes. But still, I enjoyed. 6 dead zombies.

The Eye (2008) - Always a pleasure to see Jessica Alba. Heck, she could be brushing her teeth and she’d be fun to watch. But this is a horror movie so she’s not so hot in this one.

The Pang Brothers give you a flick about a blind girl picking up the eyes from a dead donor. Catch is, the eyes come from a witch. A few predictable plot twists and some scary scenes. Not a bad effort, but not something you’d write home about. 4 dead zombies

The Orphanage - OK horror film buffs, this is how it’s done. I usually see plot twists coming from a mile away but there were a few that even I didn’t get. Excellent first effort from Juan Bayona and of course anything Guillermo Del Toro even sneezes on is going to be watchable.

A couple move into an old home with their adopted child and the home comes with a few surprises. Set in Spain and in Spanish. 8 dead zombies

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That’s it, folks. Hope you’re all enjoying your Thanksgiving weekend. For those of you not in the USA, hope you’re all enjoying your weekend that started last night. Don’t feel bad. No matter what country you’re from, you probably get more holidays than we do. All Americans do is work.

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Oh yeah, one more thing…

Watched Conan the Barbarian last night.  I finally bought the DVD because it was $10 for both Conan movies.  That was hands down the most romantic movie ever made.  No, don’t tell me The Titanic or any of that other garbage.  Conan’s girlfriend fought off demons to bring Conan back from the dead.  Now, that’s love folks.

This was something I was going to send the other Pretentious Critics, but decided to post it here instead.  I’ll let someone else do the review of Beowulf (2007). 

Well, I completely lost any desire to see the movie Beowulf now.  Looked cool, until I read that Peter Travers of Rolling Stone loved that movie.

First off, you know how much I hate Rolling Stone magazine.  America puts out a lot of crappy magazines, but that one takes the cake.  I’d rather read Socialist Worker than that crap.  That’s how I feel about the journalistic quality of an average Rolling Stone article.

Of all the tripe they put out, Peter Travers takes the cake.  The guy has never seen a movie he didn’t like.  Anytime there’s an explosion, Peter Travers goes all googlie-eyed and ga-gahs like a three-year-old who just spotted Barney at the supermarket.

He’s known as the “most quoted critic.”  Well, no shit.  Hollywood loves Peter Travers because the guy’s the biggest kiss ass who ever lived.  Any big budget director out there could film himself taking a dump and Peter Travers would exclaim “Genius! This director has done things no other has directed before! With explosive action, hard-hitting dialog, and drama that would leave you on the edge of your seats! Do not miss!”

So if any other pretentious critic wants to take this one, feel free.  Even knowing Angelina Jolie struts around sans clothing is not enough incentive to get me to see this movie.  If Peter Travers likes it, it’s probably tripe, except with big explosions.

Reviews

I watched Stardust and was disappointed. Yes, it was enjoyable. No, it wasn’t memorable. Highlights - Michelle Pfeiffer is one hot witch and Robert De Niro added a humorous element to the movie. However, Hollywood once again failed to make a memorable fantasy film. You can read my full review here.

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I bought Venus Doom by H.I.M the first weekend of its release. If you like H.I.M, you can read my full review here.

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Badman, Kate, and a few other friends went to see The Birthday Massacre last month. The three of us bloggers wrote a review here.

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A Plane Crash 10. You survive a plane crash in some remote area. They’re looking for you, and they’ll find you within a few months. In the meantime, you only have 10 CDs to listen to. What are those 10 CDs?

Now keep in mind, these aren’t necessarily your top 10 of all-time, but rather 10 that you’d want to hear for the next month or 10. This is different from a Desert Island 10, where you have to pick 10 CDs you’ll listen to for the rest of your life. In other words, pick 10 favorites you can’t live without right now, not all-time.

01. Nightwish - Dark Passion Play
02. HIM - Venus Doom
03. Judas Priest - Angel of Retribution
04. HIM - Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights
05. The Birthday Massacre - Nothing & Nowhere
06. Beautiful Creatures - Deuce
07. Cradle of Filth - Cruelty & the Beast
08. Nightwish - Once
09. Nightwish - Century Child
10. Leaves’ Eyes - Vinland Sega

Yes, I know. Ten out of ten are Metal. I’ll make no pretense about being musically open minded. I see it more as knowing what I like.

I tagged 7 people in my last tag, so I’ll let you decide or not if you want to do this tag.