The Zombieslayer

Have you ever heard of this guy Dalai Lama? I just read a quote of his and I’m thinking he’s got to be one of those crazy Right-wing whack job redneck sister screwing racist homophobic sheep fucking lazy ass racist conspiracy tinfoil hat wearing inbred hillbillies.

You know what he said? He said “If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun.” (Seattle Times, May 15, 2001).  Well, we all know only Right-wing bigots like guns.  So screw this Lama guy.  What a weird name anyways.

Then there’s this Mahatma Gandhi guy.  ‘‘Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act of depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest.’’

Huh? He’s for Indians owning guns? Probably so they could shoot each other.  Probably some racist bigot who thinks women should be barefoot and pregnant and chained up to the stove so they can cook him a meal when he gets home from work.

The only guy who really makes sense is this Heinrich Himmler guy.  He says that “ordinary citizens don’t need guns, as their having guns doesn’t serve the state.”  Well, I couldn’t agree with this guy more.  Himmler gets it.  Only the state should be trusted with guns.  Maybe I should have voted for him for President.  He’d make a good leader.

Don’t open this up at work.  From the Onion.

Advocacy Group Decries PETA’s Inhumane Treatment Of Women

OK, you’ve already heard me say this rant but it must be said again and the reason it must be said again - it’s proof of creeping communism.  I’ll explain…

The next generation are pansies.  We already agree on this.  They’re out of shape, sit around, watch tv, and play video games all day, and think they’re entitled to shit they didn’t work for just because they have low self-esteem.  They’re also hypersensitive so you have to be careful what you say around them or else they’ll get all butt hurt.

Perfect example - the correct way to reply to “thank you” is “you’re welcome.”  It is NOT “no problem.”  “No problem” is a response to an apology, and thank you is not an apology.

How did this become so widespread? Well, I’ll tell you how it became so widespread.  The communists have had an agenda to demasculinize boys from day one.  Male adults who never become men are easy to control.  Thus, more receptive of communism.  One of the ways to demasculinize boys is to make them hypersensitive.

Hypersensitivity -> Demasculinization -> Communism

See, I figured this out a long time ago.*  I’m onto the communists.  You can’t ever take your eyes off of them because they’re always doing something sneaky.

So, if someone under the age of 30 says “no problem” when you say “thank you,” simply correct them and explain to them that thank you is not an apology.  Now if someone over 30 says “no problem,” immediately assault them.  They’re a communist.

–
* It’s just like I figured out long ago what Step 2 was between collecting underpants and profit.  Of course, I can’t share it here in case certain gnomes have internet connections.

If you are a Yuppie living in the suburbs and drive an SUV, you lose the Right to complain about the price of gas.  That’s right.  STFU.

Not saying that SUVs have no purpose.  They do.  They’re for Blue Collar workers or people who live in Montana.

If you are “too busy” to vote, you lose the Right to complain about the direction this country is headed.  Funny, people who claim to be “too busy” to vote always seem to find the time to watch American Idol and Survivor.  Go figure.

If you’re an American driving a foreign made car and supported outsourcing and illegal immigration, STFU about the recession.  I don’t want to hear it.  You caused it.  Sure, the avarice of the banks was the last straw, but I saw this one coming from 2005.  You simply can’t export more jobs than we create every year and not expect the economy to collapse.

And lastly, if you support illegal immigrants, you lose the Right to complain about the increases in crime and graffiti in your neighborhood and how the schools are all going to pot.  No shit.  You caused it.

It’s amazing how people go through their lives with complete tunnel vision and don’t see the irony of their complaining.  I got plenty more examples, but it’s a beautiful day and I’m going to enjoy it.  Plus, there are hot babes downtown.

Later.

Every time there’s a new President, we outta get t-shirts that we say survived the previous Presidency. I’m telling you, they just seem to get either more corrupt or more stupid (or both) every election. I’m thinking it can’t possibly be worse than GWB, right? Well, we’ll see what Barack O Bummer will bring us. We know he won’t exactly be a defender of the Constitution to start with. As for fixing the previous guy’s economic mess, good luck. I actually feel sorry for the guy in that respect.

Here are some ideas:
I survived the Lyndon “How Many Kids Did You Kill Today?” Johnson Presidency
I survived the Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon Presidency
I survived the Gerald “Watch Your Step” Ford Presidency
I survived the Jimmy “There Goes the Dollar” Carter Presidency
I survived the Ronald “What Was I Supposed to Say?” Reagan Presidency
I survived the George “When My Lips Move I’m Lying” Bush Presidency
I survived the Bill “Slick Willy” Clinton Presidency
I survived the George “There Goes My Job AND My 401k” Bush Presidency

Believe me, it was tempting to call Ford’s Presidency “I’m Going to Hell Because I Pardoned Nixon” but “Watch Your Step” just seemed funnier for those old enough to remember the reference. Same with Jimmy “There Goes the Panama Canal” Carter. Oh, and thanks Bo for another certain Presidency. I’m still laughing at that picture. That was the funniest thing I’ve seen all month (besides one of our neighbors stepping in doggie doo).

OK. I’ve said this before and failed, but let me put a timeline to it. One week. There. I’m going to try to go one week without swearing. I’m really trying to clean up my mouth. It’s not easy. I really don’t have an excuse now because I don’t work on cars any more and I’m not fishing.

Speaking of cars, a few gripes. I wish people would follow that little Drivers Ed book that we all got when we were learning to drive. Yeah, I think we all agree that tailgating is bad, et cetera. But come on people. If you miss your turn, don’t block traffic. Keep going and turn around somewhere else, but out of everyone’s way. It clearly says that in the Drivers Ed book.

Also speaking of cars, you know who’s really annoying? People who keep saying American cars suck. Ought to slap them upside the head.

Now, I don’t care how you stand on the auto bailout. I have my opinion, you have yours. But the one thing I keep hearing is that Detroit doesn’t put out good cars and that’s why they’re not making any money. That’s a load of horsie manure.

I have the latest Consumer Reports issue and Ford cars were neck and neck with the Japs. German cars lagged, but were catching up to American cars. Then Kathleen showed me the JD Power and Associates ratings and they rank American cars actually higher than the Japs (with of course the German cars found on the road dead).

Hey, I like Krauts, I like their food, their beer, the Scorpions, Rammstein, cleavage in St. Pauli’s Girl commercials, and all that other good stuff, nothing against them, but their cars suck. Don’t take my word for it though, read the ratings. Oh, and Das Boat really wasn’t that good of a movie.  Sorry, but it wasn’t.

I could go on and on about American cars - I’ve owned nothing but and unless you drive a truck for a living, I’ve probably driven more miles than you. They last forever if you buy the right model (like I always say, read Consumer Reports before you buy ANYTHING) and do regular maintenance, the thing will last you for a very long time.