The Zombieslayer

I have 3 Chuck Klosterman books here.  Finished one, half-way through the 2nd.  I just went to a book sale and picked up a book by Peter Lynch.  Have barely cracked the book when I read this.  Some of the best words I’ve ever read.

You start to recognize that you’re only going to exist for a little while, whereas you’re going to be dead for a long time.

You remind yourself that nobody on his deathbed ever said: “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”

-both quotes Peter Lynch

I love money as much as the next American, but come on, we work too hard.  Get out and enjoy life, folks.  Don’t work too hard.

I wish someone told me that ten years ago.  I worked my butt off and they still sent my job to India.  Had I known that, I wouldn’t have tried so hard to keep it.

Get to know your spouse better.  Get to know  your kids or your parents better.  Also, don’t forget you have neighbors.  If you give them a chance, you might find out that they’re interesting people.

This morning, Benazar Bhutto from Pakistan was assassinated.  She had been in exile and recently returned to Pakistan to run against President Musharraf.

I’m deeply saddened to hear about her death.  The 54-year-old former Prime Minister had twice the brains and ten times the charisma of Musharraf and I was really hoping she’d win in the elections.

This sets Pakistan back.  The Pakistani people are an intelligent lot of people, and this is a country I’ve been following for years now.

For those of you who don’t know who she was, Benazar Bhutto was the former Prime Minister of Pakistan.  Her father was Prime Minister but he was assassinated.  Educated in Harvard and Oxford, Bhutto was a good friend of America and the West.  She was Prime Minister of Pakistan twice between 1988 and 1996.

Musharraf warned her about returning to Pakistan for he said he was worried for her safety.  He said he couldn’t guarantee her security.  I’m not at all implying Musharraf had a hand in the attack.  I don’t know if he was genuinely concerned or not, but for right now, I’m mourning her death.  I think it’s more likely that he had no hand in her attack and actually was worried because the country’s stability had been deteriorating in recent months.

She was a good woman and could have taken Pakistan far into the future.

Merry Christmas! Damn right I celebrate Christmas. I have no apologies for it, and encourage everyone to if they want. I have become very anti-political correctness, and any attempt to silence me from saying Merry Christmas makes me say it louder and prouder.

But it’s offensive to non-Christians

Hate to break it to you, Christmas isn’t even a Christian holiday. It was stolen from the Pagans in order to win them over to Christianity. There’s a one in 365 chance Jesus was born on Christmas. I’m no Bible expert, but I’m pretty certain there’s no passage in the New Testament that says the date of His birth.

Christianity stole various aspects of Christmas from a multitude of Pagans. One was Saturnalia, a Roman winter festival that was known for relaxation, eating tons of food, gambling, drinking, giving small presents to kids and candles to adults, and public nudity. Sound familiar? Well, besides the public nudity part.

Christians also stole from the Scandinavians. They had Yule which was celebrated on mid-winter night, and followed by 12 wild nights. Hmm…I wonder where that 12 days of Christmas song got its idea from.

Santa Claus, Christmas trees, and Father Christmas

All three of these things were stolen from various Pagan religions. Santa Claus and Father Christmas in some cultures are synonymous. You also have Saint Nicholas and Kris Kringle to add to the confusion. But don’t forget Sinterklaas, Saint Basil, and Father Frost now. Can any of you Bible experts find any references to any of those names in the Bible? I bet you can’t, because they’re even more traditions stolen from the Pagans.

So I have to ask, do you still think Christmas is an exclusively Christian holiday? I say no. It’s cultural, and open to anyone who wants to celebrate it.

So Merry Christmas everyone! If you celebrate another holiday besides Christmas, more power to you. Heck, invite me over. I’ll celebrate with you. I’m all about the holidays, baby!, especially when food, wine, and hot chicks are involved. (Well, the hot chicks part is something I added).

Heh. This probably isn’t even politically correct to talk about. Who are the nicest people on Earth? Well, generally, the more spread out people are, the nicer. Countries that are crowded generally are full of assholes. It’s kind of like putting a bunch of rats together in a small place. We all know what will happen.

Japan is a huge exception. They’re aware of this, so they actually consciously engraved it into their culture to be polite to each other. Yes, bullying happens, but it happens everywhere.

So, here are my top five nicest people on Earth. No, I haven’t been to every country and have no desire to go to certain countries, but am planning on hitting most when time and money allows.

In no order - tier 1 nice people:

The Dutch, the Thais, the Japanese, Kiwis (New Zealanders), and Canadians.

There you go. One thing I must bring up, the French get an unfair bad rep. It’s because of Parisians. Let’s put it this way - if Sally comes from the Netherlands and gets off the plane in New York City, spends a week in only New York City, Sally will have the impression that Americans are assholes. That’s the problem Americans have when they only go to Paris. Leave Paris and the French are alright.

Another thing - Americans are definitely on the Tier 2 Nice list. Americans don’t realize how nice other Americans are until they spend a lot of time in other countries (besides the Tier 1 list, where they’ll realize they’re not the nicest people on Earth). The funny thing is, I hear from foreigners all the time how nice Americans are. It really is refreshing to hear. But any of those top five put us to shame.

Japan is nice with a footnote - if you’re a guy. Women do not get the benefits men do. Sorry ladies. That’s how it is there. With exceptions. One of my friends was a former stripper, and a natural blonde. They treated her like royalty. Not so with most women. Japanese have a thing for blondes. That was last decade though, so that may have changed. I sincerely doubt it though.

With the Thais, being polite is part of their culture, and if I’m not mistaken, their religion too. I love the Thais. One word of caution, do NOT touch a Thai on the head. If you get your ass kicked, I told you so. And Thais can fight. Boxing is their national sport, and it’s not the same boxing we have. Pretty much anything goes in their boxing.

I love the Dutch. I can’t say enough good stuff about the Dutch. Of all the people on Earth, I’d rather work with the Dutch than anyone else. They have a German work ethic with the politeness of the Japanese. Gotta love that.

New Zealand is gorgeous. Open space for miles and miles. Rivers and lakes full of fish. I’m hoping for their sake they keep immigration limited or else they’ll be crowded and suck just like everywhere else. Kiwis are so nice that if you stop on the side of the road to take pictures, half the cars will stop to see if you’re ok. I’m not kidding either. They are that nice.

Canadians are like a slightly nicer version of Americans. They’re what’s keeping us from being in Tier 1. Imagine Americans without the crime paranoia and sexual hang-ups and you have Canadians. Americans make more money, but I won’t kid you, there are times I wish I was Canadian, even with a Canadian salary.

This post is for young straight men who haven’t figured it out yet. (If you’re a young gay man, simply switch the gender).

That dear female friend you have, no you can’t be platonic. You will gradually see the beauty in her and fall in love with her. Take it from someone with more experience than you have. If you’re single, and she’s single, the only time you can be platonic with a woman your age is if:

1) she’s a blood relative,

2) you have a thing for someone else instead

Even if you find her ugly, that will change. I’m telling you, you’ll start seeing the inner beauty in her. You cannot be platonic with a woman your age if you’re single.

And that, my friends, is what broke up my second favorite band. They were “best friends.”